Whether we like it or not we have all at one time in our life belonged to what I call “Hater Nation.” It is a collection of individuals who chose to be HATERS (negative, wanting to knock others down a notch)… I would like to talk about Haters and what we can do to get out of “Hater Nation.”
define.php?term=hater (Here is a basic urban definition of what a hater is…for those who are unfamiliar)
It is our natural inclination as imperfect humans to “hate” on the people around us. We are so good at spreading negativity towards anyone and everyone around us sometimes we hate without even realizing that we are in the wrong. We even go so far as to hate on those whom we should be loving the most like our significant others, family and friends…our church leaders…our teachers…and even random people or celebrities we have never even met!!! We say or do things that would tear the other person down. Let me start with a personal example.
Many of you I’m sure have heard of Austin Collie, WR for the Indianapolis Colts
Him and I grew up playing Pee Wee football together and as friends with mutual respect. I became a part of “hater nation” when I told a friend of Austin’s after his junior year and my senior year, that Austin wasn’t a blue chip college recruit and I felt like he was getting too much hype. Austin was getting offers at the time from the likes of Stanford, Colorado, UNLV, Cal, BYU, etc. but I said that he wasn’t going to ever be in the same category as some of the genetically gifted guys that go SEC. Here I was, a trusted friend throwing some negativity his way. The friend of course went and told Austin that I was hating on his game and Austin let me know how he felt one day in the quad at school. I felt terrible. All I said was a couple of lines without thinking one day while playing halo with his friend and it had crazy repercussions. I think he lost some respect for me that day and categorized me with the rest of his haters.
In retrospect I was obviously deep down jealous of the offers and attention he was getting. He was catching touchdowns and I felt like I had done lots of dirty work at defensive back. I was also bitter because I wasn’t getting offers. No one wanted a 6’4″ cornerback.
I was his trusted and respected friend I should have had his back at all times. (We have since patched things up). Collie went on to lead the entire nation (including those SEC blue chip recruits) in receiving his senior year at BYU and has had tremendous success in the NFL.
So what got into me that day? I alluded to it earlier by saying I was jealous but lets explore further…
Paul gives us insight in Galatians 5 of the Bible and suggests that there are only two paths of action in this life. Either we are being influenced by the Spirit or by the flesh. When we are led by the Spirit we are doing what God wants and good feelings accompany us such as peace, love, joy, goodness and faith. When we act in an opposite manner we give in to our humanistic weakness (the flesh) and we are sinning. That day in a moment of test regarding my friend I unfortunately chose to give in to my human weakness.
Paul actually gives us a list of what he calls “the works of the flesh…”
Some are very obvious: adultery, fornication, idolatry, witchcraft, seditions, heresies, murders, uncleanness, lasciviousness, drunkenness…
Then he goes on to list some others that aren’t so obvious: HATRED, emulations, strife, variance, envyings, revellings “and such like…”
Paul puts them all in the same category however and says, “that they which do such things shall NOT inherit the kingdom of God.” (Galatians 5:21) When I belittled Collie’s accomplishments I was in this category in the form of “envying”…
I now try to be more aware of when I start to commit some of these not so obvious sins Paul is talking about. I try to not contribute to “hater nation” the best I can. A good reason not to participate is that we will eventually be judged according to the way we treated others. With the same stick we use to judge others, we too will be judged (see Mat 7:1-4). Also if we love others by forgiving and building them up then we will more easily be forgiven (Mat 6:14-15). Lastly, WWJD (What would Jesus do?).
He would never hate. He dined with publicans and sinners, forgave the thieves on the cross, and to the scribes and pharisees who wanted to stone the woman found in adultery he said, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her ” (John 8:7). They all walked away.
We all sin and fall short. Life is hard. Why do we make life even more difficult than it already is for our brothers and sisters. My friend once thought it was funny once to sneak heavy rocks in my backpack while on a long hike. What kind of sick person does that? It’s the same kind of person who when they are walking down the beach wrecks little kids sand castles. As ridiculous as it all sounds we have all been that sick person before. We make life difficult for those around us by hating on them through hurtful actions such as gossiping, back biting, thoughtless insults and put downs, etc etc. So what should we do about this?
My Mom is the nicest person I’ve ever met. Growing up my Mom would also Bambi, “If you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all…” Its not easy to hold your tongue sometimes but that’s exactly what we need to. We simply need to STOP.
Lately I find it interesting that the prophets and apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints have focused a lot on some of the not so obvious sins Paul talked about. Many members although they do not lie, steal or commit adultery have no problem committing others.
In the last general conference in April, Elder Holand said the following about envy…
“Brothers and sisters, there are going to be times in our lives when someone else gets an unexpected blessing or receives some special recognition. May I plead with us not to be hurt—and certainly not to feel envious—when good fortune comes to another person? We are not diminished when someone else is added upon. We are not in a race against each other to see who is the wealthiest or the most talented or the most beautiful or even the most blessed. The race we are really in is the race against sin, andsurely envy is one of the most universal of those.”
Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf added this plea …
“This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following…
It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children.”
And lastly the scriptures…
Mosiah 4:30 states : “if ye do not watch yourselves, and your thoughts, and your words and your deeds…even unto the ends of your lives, ye must perish. And now, O man, remember, and perish not.”
So when we think and want to say or do hurtful things we need to have the courage to hold back…We need to walk as Paul says by the Spirit, REMEMBER what’s right and stop ourselves in our tracks before we do ourselves and others harm through less obvious sin. Just as Christ silenced the pharisees and cause them to drop their stones we need to put an end to this nonsense. What will it take for us to drop our stones and walk away?
But should we stop at walking away? We shouldn’t just not hurt others, we should act by building them up instead…no matter who it is. Christ didn’t condone the women in adultery’s actions, but he comforted her and supported her because he knew the long road of repentance ahead of her. If we want to call ourselves disciples of Christ we need to start doing a lot more comforting and a lot less of the negative.
My Mom was so good at home growing up to make sure that there wasn’t any “hating” going on between her children. Anytime my siblings or I gave a “put down” to each other she would make us follow that negative remark with two positive remarks which she called a TWO-FER. Pretty soon it got annoying but we had to comply or she would start taking away privileges. We had to give genuine compliments “your smart and nice” only worked a couple of times. I believe my siblings and I became very close because we were taught to love and support one another in simple ways like two-fers.
Let me elaborate on this point with a another example…I had a mission companion in Ecuador who was nearing the end of his mission and still could hardly speak the language. I became his Junior companion even though I was more fluent in Spanish than he was. We would teach lessons and I would have to re-teach his part because the people did not understand him. It was frustrating for both of us. He broke down crying to me one day saying that he felt like he was in the bottom of a big black hole and that no matter what he did to get himself out he wouldn’t be able to do it. I knew that through Christ all things were possible and in that moment I felt genuine compassion and love for this Elder. I vowed right then and there to help him learn the language. I have a testimony of the gift of tongues and the atonement and I knew he could do it. We studied, prayed and fasted together…We would go to lessons and I would give him opportunity to succeed. We would take turns talking to people in the streets and he was slowly starting to improve. By the time I left he had 100 times the confidence than before. He thanked me because he felt like no companion before me really made any effort to help him. They said it was “his problem” and looked the other way. We became close friends and I received word that he closed out his mission with success. Who around us is in a personal hell or black hole? do we leave them there or do we come to their rescue?
As the Mormon Bachelor approaches, there will be videos constantly uploaded of girls who are applying for the show. There will be videos of me and of my dates. These videos have open comment sections and will be subject to public scrutiny… Anyone can anonymously post whatever they want. HATER NATION will have full access and be in full effect. I won’t be fighting the haters back like Lebron don’t worry…You can’t fight HATE with HATE. Like the icon at the beginning of this post says…my response to haters is “Father forgive them for they know not what they do… (Luke 23:34).”
Check out his answer at the beginning!
Some think I am crazy to leave my personal life out on the table for others to pick apart. I am saying BRING IT ON. Why do I say this? Well I am a little crazy…but no I have my reasons.
Here are 5 reasons why I don’t mind being so public and open about the Mormon Bachelor and my life in general…
1. It will facilitate NOT CARING ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK. In my opinion the most unhappy people on this earth are those who live their lives trying to please everyone else. I am who I am…I can be improved…but I don’t have to live for everyone else. This show is not something that everyone is ok with or would personal do themselves. Thats fine lets agree to disagree!!! I am going to do me. I am confident that it is the right thing for me and my life right now. A very common human tendency is to care too much about what others think. I will not be able to afford doing this on the show. I have to only care what the Lord thinks, myself and my date…(ok maybe a little of my close friends and family also). In the end it is me who is stuck with the person for eternity. I will be able to develop more trust in myself and in the Lord…not to the voices in my head saying a million different things!!!
2. Some mature people out there may actually take the time to give me some good constructive criticism. A lot of the times we go through life unaware of our weakness. I realize that I will make a lot of mistakes. (Hopefully no big ones like Ben picking Courtney on the last Bachelor though). When a weakness is brought to our attention is when we can choose to humble ourselves and call upon the Lord to make the weakness a strength through his power and use the enabling power of the atonement. This has been a major theme throughout my life. Whatever I don’t like about myself I decide to change and miracles happen. Believe it or not all growing up until my mission really I used to be shy. People used to point it out and it would bug me. My parents had to pay me money to smile and say hi to girls. I vowed to change and with help of good friends and with a mission and dating and determination and I did. Now I am plenty outgoing and I’m on a dating show…on camera. Never would I have been ok with that before! I goes sit was the Lords will because he sees the end from the beginning. The show will be a good opportunity for more personal refinement. One example already is with how I talk and get nervous on camera. One of the comments on my application video pointed out the fact that I kept saying “YaKnow”…sure enough I counted 12 times in a 4 minute video. That IS annoying. Now that I am aware I can try to tone it down on the ya know? ya know? jk jk. I welcome constructive criticism because I can analyze it and choose whether to take it into account or not. In case you missed the video…
3. I have nothing to hide. If I was alone going on dates i would want to act as if my Mom was watching…now my Mom and family and everyone else in the Mormon world will be watching. No pressure RIGHT?? Being under a public eye will help me to be my best self all the time. I am not fearful that something hidden will be exposed because I have nothing hidden! What you see is what you get.
4. I am used to HATERS. I use them as a stepping stone to get to the next level.
Many in the volleyball world told me I would never be good enough to play or start matches for BYU (a D1 top 5 program in the nation every year). I was an invited walk on not a blue chip recruit. I was a setter in high school and had no arm swing. Also I was a three sport athlete while many of my teammates solely focused on volleyball. My skills needed work and they were right. I worked hard and proved worthy. I was privileged to play and start matches. I still remember blocking next to All-Americans Ivan Perez and Russel Holmes in my first match against Stanford and Ivan looked at me and said, “Welcome to BYU Volleyball my friend.” Unfortunately i sprained my ankle in that match.
Then my senior year my head coach made all these promises he never kept. He told me how I was his guy and he wanted me to be an All-American. Behind my back he pulled the redshirt of another player in my position and I was left out of the equation. No matter what I did in practice it didn’t matter come game time. It got so bad I wanted to quit. I was loyal to my teammates however and accepted the lesser role. I had to write stuff on my shoes to stay motivated in practice. I wrote “HMN” on my shoes which stood for “HATE ME NOW.” It was a mental battle in practice everyday. Being in the spotlight at school and in the social scene from lots of dating and no marriage also brought attention. Some was negative. I got rumors spread about me and was labeled as a player because I was dating a lot. “Living to prove the haters wrong” became my new motto. Next it was on to pro basketball. Wait basketball??? Many told me that there was no way I could play for a professional team because I didn’t play in college. I had flirted with idea while at BYU yet politics got in the way…I was a wing slasher and potential walk on and did not fit into their plan. I put a poster of my friend Collie in my room for motivation and to remember to block out the negativity. I proved all the naysayers wrong by getting payed to play in 1st division Austria for a little while and then I was drafted by the Utah Flash of the NBA D-League in the 8th round in the 2010-2011 D-League draft. utah-flash-draft-former-byu-volleyball-star-kent-tuttle
I am not going to lie it felt good. I am ultra competitive and so when someone tells me I cannot do something it only fuels my fire and propels me higher. Each level in my sports progression it worked…I was never flat-out told no in any tryout I went to. I was going to keep playing but I have higher goals of a career in dentistry and a temple marriage. I am hoping with dating and marriage and dentistry I’ll find the same successes I did in Volleyball and Basketball! Heres a 4 min highlight video I put together (its kind of rough quality at some points but enjoy!!!)
It also has my Hater theme song “Hate Me Now” by Nas in it…
5. For me it would be romantic to be on a dating show, and I am a hopeless romantic. This is not your traditional way to date. There is a real chance at love because of the screening process. I believe there is a real possibility that all the regular dating emotions will be intensified. I will be overwhelmed, confused at times, overjoyed and sad. Hopefully this intense heart cooker though will soften me up a bit and open me up to a love I never thought was possible. As another bonus I get to live and date in Southern California which has sunsets and plenty of beach and a lifetime of activities and sights to see–that has romance written all over it. Who wouldn’t want a chance at falling in love for the world to see in California?
In closing finally as I continue on this journey I just want to say that I would appreciate your support!!! Whether it is in the form of encouragement or constructive criticism…either one is welcome. Please though if you want to bash me, the girls that are putting themselves out there, my family or the show realize that it only hurts yourself. Remember Ether 12:26, “Fools mock, but they shall mourn…”
I hope together we can renew our hope in the wholesome, in second chances, in love…and most importantly our Savior Jesus Christ.