18 comments on “10 Provo Dating Concepts for Men

  1. Was told about this blog via a friend. This is fantastic! You hit the nail right on the head…dating in Provo can be frustrating and downright strange in comparison to dating elsewhere…if you ended up writing a book, I’d definitely be interested in reading it.

  2. Oh also, THANK YOU for mentioning the girls who “stake claim” by posting on guys’ facebook walls…I’ve always thought it just screams insecurity when a girl does that…it’s interesting to hear a guy’s opinion of it.

  3. Stumbled across this post by accident… but I must admit you have a point! I couldn’t help but laugh as I scrolled through your thoughts. Often you get the girl’s take on things, it’s fun to hear a guy’s perspective! =)

  4. I have been married to my best friend for 31 years. When he cheered for me because he believed in me, gave me notes to buoy me up as I pursued my passion, when he delighted in me when I shined, I fell in deep warm, delicious love. I returned the adoration, I saw in him the man he would become and I was devoted to letting him pursue his potential. Supporting a woman in her personal creative endeavors might help you gain the type of marriage that packs a WOW!

  5. Seems like you’ve had lots of dating experience. Not so much relationship experience because all your points are very superficial. I find your post interesting and think its good that you’ve got all this dating under your belt before marriage. When you are older you will look back on these memories fondly with your wife and laugh! Women are like cars. They all need a lil upkeep, quarterly oil change, maintenance checks and new paint! Just choose a strong women that impresses you in good and bad situations. Get to know their response/outcome will help you see a future with them

  6. Seems like you’ve had lots of dating experience. Not so much relationship experience because all your points are very superficial. I find your post interesting and think its good that you’ve got all this dating under your belt before marriage. When you are older you will look back on these memories fondly with your wife and laugh! Women are like cars. They all need a lil upkeep, quarterly oil change, maintenance checks and new paint! Just choose a strong women that impresses you in good and bad situations. Get to know their past and understand them. Their response/outcome will help you see a future with them

  7. Looks like you’ve got us women figured out! I am a Utah girl, having experienced the horrors of Utah dating, and find a lot of your points interesting and right on. However, something that really drives me crazy is dating a guy who thinks he has my character, personality, past/present/future, flaws, strengths, and marriage potential completely analyzed and neatly packaged into a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ within the first date. At this risk of this ruining our future first date, here is my two cents:

    1) “Provo is full of little boys chasing little girls”

    YES, YES, and YES. You hit the nail on the head with this one. The attitude I have always gleaned from dating around here is that guys don’t like girls with brains and big dreams. They like girls with tans and big boobs. The frustrating part is that these same men ADAMANTLY deny feeling this way. Yet, when you discuss topics deeper than your love of Twilight or **heaven forbid** challenge their opinion on something, they are put off and end up marrying Annie Agree-to-Everything-You-Say. You really want to be with someone who will never challenge you? Never inspire you? Never open your eyes to something new and exciting? I sure don’t.

    2) “Give girls the attention they deserve”

    I think that the dating scene around here has become very lazy. On both sides. A lot of girls truly believe that chivalry is dead. Guys- plan the first date! If you show up to my door, I get in your car, and the first thing you say is “so what do you want to do?” I’m going to say, “go to Greece, let me pack my bags!” Then I will proceed to lock you out of my house. Girls feel SO UNCOMFORTABLE when asked this question. What is your price range? How much time do you even want to spend with me? We have no idea! I have some feministic tendencies and think that after a few dates, the girl is fully capable of asking you out, planning a date, and yes, even picking up the tab. It’s only fair. But the first few dates should be old fashioned. No girl cares how much money you spend on these dates (if she does, then you’ve obviously made a poor choice in company and can kindly excuse her from your life), but they do care that you spend a little time thinking about the activity. Girls- if he takes you mini-golfing and it is the 16th time you have been mini-golfing on a first date, have the courtesy to at least act like you are having a great time! Be appreciative that he planned it and enjoy yourself.

    3) “Girls go through stages”

    Not too much to say here- I think that everyone goes through stages. Men go through a post-mission, have to get married right away stage, then they go through a bachelor stage, then they go through a holy-crap-I-am-still-single-I-must-settle-down-immediately stage, and then some will mellow out while others resort backwards and comfortably settle into the chronic bachelor stage. I think that dating is 70% timing. You could probably be happy with most anyone, but the timing is what really brings two people together. Both have to be ready and in a similar stage.

    4) “Save your money”

    Be money smart-absolutely. But just remember that somewhere out there, your future wife is going out on blind dates too and some other guy is taking her to dinner/movie/rock climbing/whatever. Just because she is not your future wife doesn’t mean that she is not worth a good meal once in a while 🙂 Her future husband will thank you some day, I’m sure. Also, back to #2- if you have begun dating a girl for a while, don’t let your male ego get hurt if she wants to plan and pay for a date. This does not make you less of a man or less capable of providing for a future family, it simply means that she is appreciative of the time and money you have put into her and wants to reciprocate. It’s thoughtful and generous, not a blow to your manhood.

    5) “Stay in control”

    I am mostly really impressed by this one. Men and women are equal and meant to be partners, but I want my someday husband to set up family counsel meetings, hold priesthood interviews with my kids, and be the priesthood leader he is meant to be. If I am having to drag his butt to FHE each week, he is not leading the family and not setting a good example to our sons/daughters. Girls often feel like they have to take control of the relationship and end up being labeled the “naggers” because a lot of men these days have no backbone and no sense of responsibility to themselves or others.

    I used the word ‘mostly’ at the beginning of this paragraph because you have to be careful about the way you use the word ‘control.’ No girl wants to be controlled, they want to be walk hand in hand with someone who will help lead the family. And yes, a lot of girls feel that they have to ‘put out’ early on in the dating game because they think that is expected of them. You can thank years of damaging media themes and a general deterioration of respect for women. Believe it our not, there are a lot of crummy guys out there and, more likely than not, one of those guys has dated that girl and said something like “It’s already the third date, why haven’t we made out yet!?” Or worse. Tell this girl that you can’t wait to kiss her, but that she means more to you than some sweet action. She’ll be impressed, trust me.

    6) “Don’t get addicted to dating”

    Thank you. The end.

    P.S. All of the girls who have ever felt like a check mark on a guys list are longing to meet someone with such pure intentions.

    7) “Fishing analogy”

    The Marlins of the ocean feel like they are not worth the effort because generally, they are passed over by millions of lazy fish in the sea every single day. Not many men take the time to patiently fish for someone who may have a few layers to her. Yes, I am imperfect and some of my layers are thick and jaded. I don’t like those layers either sometimes, but they add depth and character and strength to my being. Those layers are formed by hardships and trials and joys and experiences. That what makes me valuable. I have lived and learned and once you break through those first superficial layers there is so much I have to offer you.

    My mom always uses the analogy of the apple tree which is similar to this. The apples that are easy to reach and low to the ground are often picked first because it is not challenge to pick them, but those shiny apples at the top are passed over because it takes a lot of work climbing a ladder!

    8) “Keep the faith”

    Beautiful.

    9) “Gradual change”

    Agree, and thank you for your honesty. Also beautiful.

    10) “Mistakes”

    Again, beautiful. Mistakes that I have made are not the end-all-be-all of who I am, some goes for you. Same goes for everyone. You stumble and fall and get back up and try again. Those who are dating looking for perfection are wasting their time. I don’t want someone who is perfect, I want someone who has a few scars and has gained and maintained a testimony through rough waters because those are the people who understand the atonement completely. If you have never made a mistake or gone to your Heavenly Father with sorrow, seeking His love and forgiveness, then you are either living in a very empty bubble or you are lying you yourself and everyone around you. So you screwed up, you fixed it or are fixing it, you are human. I respect you immensely for that and can feel comfortable being vulnerable and honest with you and showing my flaws with a blind hope that I will be loved and valued regardless.

    Wow, I did not expect to write all of that. Can you say word vomit?
    I now fully expect royalties from your future book sales 🙂

    Anyways, good luck with the Mormon Bachelor, thanks for your insights.
    -Kaitlin

  8. I can’t help but find this post a little bitter and superficial. I personally don’t like dating in general, I like making meaningful friendships with anyone I find interesting without ever thinking what can they do for me. Sometimes, these translate into wonderful relationships based on altruism and seeing who the person is through your spiritual eye, much more meaningful than face value. I hope you will find this of love one day, because love rally has nothing to do with what other people know about her or looks or anything dating tells us.

    Please be kinder and gracious with women, we are all flawed but all are amazing in our own ways.

    • Michelle hey thanks for your response and your honesty…i agree that the post you read was written in bitterness and with more of a superficial tone.
      Its hard to talk about dating in Provo without those coming through. What I experienced and what I wish the world was are two different things. We live in a fallen world and although we can try to be idealists there are some things we can’t ignore. Like the fact that we all care too much about looks, some more than others. I think we are all in the pursuit of fine tuning our spiritual eyes…I definitely have a long way to go in that area.

      Did you read my “Pretty Women” post??? I have always tried to treat every woman I meet with respect and sincerity.

      hope your having a great day
      Kent

  9. This is too good! So much of what you said is very true! I’m a Utah girl that stays away from Provo and I think it is all over Utah! I love your honest opinions and feelings, you seem like a great guy who would be fun to talk with. Good luck with your mormon bachelor stuff!

  10. Your advice is for men only and for a very, very narrow group of men in Provo at that. Maybe call it dating for peter priesthood at BYU-Utah.

    • Thats funny because thats actually how it started out. I was writing to my brother and my cousin to explain to them what I went through at BYU provo. I don’t think there is anything wrong with striving to be Peter Priesthood either. This blog is perspectives from MY life. It was never meant to conquer the entire dating world. But hopefully someone like yourself who reads from the outside could get maybe one or two positive insights from it!

  11. “Girls always need closure-” Amen! It was interesting to hear about dating from an LDS perspective- thanks for the insights! I don’t think there is anything wrong with striving to be a Peter Priesthood. In the end, we are all seeking to become more like our Father in Heaven and in order to stay on the right track we must strive to be the very best we can every single day.

  12. I think you are all over analyzing. Just be yourself and have fun. Don’t freak out or over analyze people. Take a chill pill, get to know people as people and not “dating potential” and let relationships evolve. I lived in Provo and dated for 4 years before accidentally met my husband.

  13. I have to be honest with you.. I have bumped shoulders with you here and there in California Utah.. but this is the first time I have read your blog and learning about you a little more.. you are completely different than I had previously judged. Sorry, i’m human too. just wanted to say thank you.

  14. This is so funny! I have thought about most if not all of these things in my life or others around me. Leaving Provo for an internship and reading things like this have given me a whole new perspective on Provo, the culture, and dating in this world. I’m glad I have one more year to change a lot of things about my attitude/actions in the past and can leave with a different taste in my mouth about p-town. Thanks Kent!!

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