kent tuttle

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RelationSHIPS and Gender roles

Posted by Kent on November 14, 2012
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Lately I have had a lot of time to think about relationSHIPs. This is another long post so bear with me.

I emphasized the SHIP part of the word because a relationSHIP is kind of like a SHIP at sea. Two people decide to jump on board and they start on a journey together that is always moving and changing. Outside factors influence the relationship, the wind and storms, waves and currents… the ship is fragile. Heading out on the open sea can be daunting.

Your ship can wreck at anytime unless you are careful. Together you must be able to navigate the hazards of the sea and steer the ship in the right direction. It is essential that you and your partner agree on the final destination and how you want to get there. Working together is the only way your ship will stay intact…roles in the relationship should be clearly defined so that each of you will know exactly how to keep the ship moving in the right direction. Each partner should have confidence in themselves and where they want the ship to go. Any inner conflict or conflict between partners will lead to disaster.

Having a serious relationship fall apart recently has given me a lot of time to learn and grow. I have had an enormous amount of time for self reflection…to set goals to improve and become a better man. If we don’t choose to learn from our failed relationships then what was the point? Only one relationship will ever end in happily ever after so we might as well choose to learn. Perhaps we are in a cycle of failed relationships for a reason and that reason is most often YOU. Sure you can blame others all you want…some do it their entire lives and they never own up to personal change. I believe relationships are sacred and that if you seek enlightenment from them, they can be the best way for us to recognize our weaknesses and see what we need to change.

I want to share personal insights I have gained through this time…first I will share what I have learned about myself and then what I have learned about gender roles in relationships in general.

A good friend of mine who was married for 6 years and then went through a nasty divorce recommended a book to me when I was going through my break up. It’s called “Making the Shift” by Dr. Wayne Dyer. The concepts helped him achieve inner peace and to not let the actions of another person (his ex) affect his happiness. I downloaded the book on audiobooks and started listening right away. I can’t possibly go into everything he helped me see about myself and the world but the approach of the book is to find and accept your divine self.

We are all born with the seeds of divinity within each of us…but the world convinces us to follow an EGO driven life. The EGO is fueled through competition to get ahead, to get more money, more material possessions and more power and control over others. The EGO centered person is selfish and seeks to control or manipulate others. After awhile of following this EGO what we end up with is a FALSE SELF. We wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and we are not happy. We are at conflict with ourselves, our relationship partner, our family, and the entire world really. We have strayed from our divine purpose and we scare even ourselves. If you think of life as a clock…we start out at the 12 and then we fall to the 6…we are the furthest away from home and this is a rock bottom which is different for everyone. “Making the Shift” is all about going from 6 back to 12 o’clock by re discovering who we are…a shift from the EGO driven self to the GOD centered life and purpose.

The way to make the shift is to change the way you see yourself. This starts with controlling your thoughts. Thoughts make you what you become. In order to make a shift you have to spend quiet time contemplating with thoughts that match your true divine self…your original self. We all have God within us…the answer to our problems is not outside ourselves in the ever-changing world but already within us. We simply have to open a door inward to our soul and reconnect with the God within us.

A friend of mind challenged me to a 21 day meditation program recently. For me this has been the perfect opportunity to spend quiet time contemplating who I really am. It’s a little hippie sure but we would all be better off to embrace a little bit of the hippie within us. Some of the most successful people practice meditation regularly. I have made it through one week of meditation, a 15 minute time commitment before bed or right when I wake up and I feel a huge difference in my life already. The power is within me to change whatever I want to change about myself. I can feel more of a clarity in my life and its cleaning out my subconscious that has had way too much of the EGO shoved into it. I would rather be a host to God than a hostage to my EGO.

You can eventually reprogram your subconscious mind to make your deepest wishes come true. When you block out all your senses and tell yourself you already are what you want to be then you are on your way. You start to ASSUME THE FEELING OF THE WISH FULFILLED. Whatever you want to be, just start acting and assuming you already are that person. I have a friend who used to say “even though I’m single I’m going to start acting like the married me”… When he would make choices he would ask himself if the married version of himself would do that…I saw an amazing transformation in him and he met and married the love of his life…his wish was fulfilled because he assumed it first.

Even when you have made bad mistakes…the good and potential is still within you to become what you want. A friend of mine shared this quote with me during an extremely difficult time…

“Though much is taken, much abides; and though we are not now that strength which in old days moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are; one equal temper of heroic hearts, Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will, to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.”

We must be true to the heroic heart we have all been given and chose to get up when we fall. We must be ever seeking and striving to find our true self once again. After all we are only confined by the walls we have built ourselves.

This is not saying that we can all be whatever we want to be if we simply think it. We can’t all be pro football players or concert pianists or the president of the United States…because this is not the true and natural self for most people. Each of us is born with certain talents and abilities…it is this passion and talent within each of us that we need to tap into and expound. We cannot afford to be fighting against this true self or try to be something we are not. Duality and inner conflict inhibit progression. Matthew 6:24 says,

“No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and Mammon.

The only way you can be properly aligned with your true self is to live your life according to the 4 cardinal virtues… kindness, honesty, service and reverence for all of life… When you are aligned with these virtues you are tapped into the spiritual realm of your own being then the right things and people will come into your life. You will start to live and operate on a higher plane. You will see clearly and have clear direction to fulfill your deepest purpose in life.

For my personal return home it has been a return to the innocent kid I was growing up or right after my mission…refined through experience and with more knowledge than before.

It has been a journey of accepting my true self which is a natural-born leader and teacher who lifts and inspires others with passion, enthusiasm and positivity. I love to write and my blog has been part of my journey. I love to sing and joining the ward choir and learning to sing bass has also been a significant step. Coaching high school girls volleyball renewed my love for volleyball which is a big part of me I was missing. Accepting and diving into my career as a dentist has also brought stability.

I am also a loyal lover who has a sensitive side with my feelings. My most recent relationship has helped me rediscover that side of my heart. I don’t need to try to hide my feelings or act like a jerk just because that’s what the world says helps you get the attractive woman. I don’t believe the saying “treat a girl like dirt and she will stick to you like glue”… I think that when the right one comes along I will treat her like a queen and she will recognize it and really appreciate it not want to let me go ever. She won’t shove me away because I am nice. At my core I am a nice guy and I believe that nice guys don’t really finish in last. I can selflessly love someone and all other girls will fade away.

My return home has also been a return to virtue. Virtue is power…I don’t have to let my hormones control my thoughts and actions. I can choose to control them and to bring more meaningful experiences to my life rather than random and fleeting encounters. I am so grateful to be on my way back home and find inner peace with myself and God’s plan for me.

I know that part of God’s plan for me is to be apart of a meaningful relationship and I have been able to take a step back lately and learn a ton about how that is supposed to work.

Another book I have been reading lately is called, “The Way of the Superior Man.” This book dives deep into gender roles in relationships. The “Superior” in the title means being the best man you can be…it is not meaning that a man is superior to a woman. Both the man and the woman are equal and neither is greater in God’s eyes (1 Cor 11:11).

I believe that a big reason why families and relationships are so broken these days is because Men and Women are mixing up gender roles in relationships creating disharmony. Men are becoming more feminine…skinny jeans, earrings, long hair are just the superficial manifestations. Women often become ultra independent, stomping on men and squashing them into a role that is completely submissive, where they don’t provide and protect. Society is shifting backwards when it comes to gender and many people are left confused.

Don’t get me wrong I think that some of the advances of society are good…it makes woman much more dynamic and it helps men connect to a woman’s heart by exploring his feminine. Both partners should be able to assume their feminine or masculine sides in order to connect better with their partner, but still not lose sight of their true role at their core.

For me in my life there has never been confusion. I have always considered myself a man’s man…and I am attracted to the ultra feminine types… but even then there is so much to learn. I want to be the best man I can be.

Again I can’t share even 1/100 of what I have learned from the book but I can give you an idea. A “superior man” is someone who stays connected to his deepest sense of self and his deepest purpose at all times, regardless of what the woman does. A woman should feel that by getting to know her man she is coming closer to God at the same time. When she feels your heart she wants to feel the heart of God.

She should feel the peace and safety and stability of the divine within her man. BUT a woman will not feel that if the man is in conflict with himself or doesn’t know his purpose. A woman will also become confused if the man becomes swallowed up in her to the point that he loses his sense of self. As a man the woman should be a source of light and inspiration to help you accomplish your deepest purpose through God. As a man you should not make the woman the most important thing or the only thing in your life.

A woman’s heart and feelings are like an ocean and they can’t be confined in a box or in sentences… Their world is one of abundance and love and for them it is all about feeling. Life is a dance or a song or painting a beautiful picture to them. They are very much connected to the world and spirit around them and this gives them their intuition. They know when something is off. As a man you must appreciate this power of the woman but not let it tell you what to do. It will keep you in check in the moment but you can’t try to analyze or dissect it because its far too complicated for that. Women are not really meant to be understood only to be loved. They are meant to be embraced as they are and not meant to be fixed.

It is important not to get swallowed up in these emotions so much that you lose stability. No woman wants an ultra emotional man. They don’t want to be smothered. A woman wants a man who will continue giving his gift with or without her. You must be able to come into the woman and share in her world…feel with her and appreciate it for what it is but then go right back to giving your gift of creation and deep purpose connected to God. A man will then be able to guide the relationship with the trust of his woman in love.

In my most recent relationSHIP looking back now I think a big reason it didn’t work out was because of mixed gender roles. I could have done so much more as a “superior man” to stay connected to my partner without losing myself in an emotional roller coaster. This is very difficult to do when your heart is invested and you care so deeply about someone. She was a single Mom and so she has had to be a Father and a Mother for her little boy for a long time. It was a very scary thing for her to give up that masculine in her and fully embrace the feminine in the relationship. In many ways I could not be the man I wanted to in the relationship because she would not let me. But maybe if she would not have felt any conflict in me at the beginning or more of a connection to God through me she would have been able to let me guide the relationship and to trust me.

The most important lesson I have learned from all of this however is that no one can have pure joy in their relationship with self or a romantic partner unless that person puts full trust in God. When you begin a journey in a new relationship it is wise to rely on the Savior Jesus Christ. He will guide us in life and love and allow us to find joy in fulfilling our deepest purpose while sharing our hearts with the person we love. He has shown us the way and only He can safely navigate our ship through the waves wind and storms that make up this-worldly experience. Without him we are lost at sea, we will be tossed every which way with no real course and we could end up at the bottom of the ocean.

I am so grateful for the opportunity I have had to learn these deep lessons over the last little while. I know that as I continue to learn and grow only good things will come into my life. I know my final destination and that is to return home to live with my Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ and the people I love forever. When I get married it will be forever. It won’t be the end…It will simply be a decision  to get on a ship with someone who chooses to be guided by the same captain, Jesus Christ and who wants to end up at the same place. He created the earth and is the one who calmed the raging sea. If we let him into our hearts and into our relationship I know he will show us the way back home.

ETERNAL PROGRESSION

Posted by Kent on October 15, 2012
Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , . 4 comments

FOREVER. ETERNITY. EVERLASTING. INFINITE.

These are heavy words we throw around lightly sometimes especially in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  In a recent conversation with someone not of my faith I said that because of Christ we will “live forever.” The girl I was talking to stopped me abruptly and said…whoa whoa whoa that’s something I just can’t wrap my head around…FOREVER!? It surprised me that she would dwell on the word until I thought about it, she was right, it is wild to even try to think that we will exist forever!

As crazy as the idea might seem it is true, because Jesus lived, died on the cross and then rose three days later to conquer death, the entire human family will live FOREVER!!! 1 Cor 15:22 “For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive.”

Before coming to this earth we lived with God and Jesus Christ and we were good spirits. We chose to follow Jesus Christ and his plan to come to earth and get a body and PROGRESS. We are all born inherently as good people. The purpose of life then is for good men to become better!!! If for some reason we have turned bad then there is always a way back to becoming good. But we can’t stop there…and God doesn’t want us to either…he wants good men to always become better!

PROGRESSION is not always easy. We are often content with staying just the way we are. We are afraid and stubborn and CHANGE for the better is difficult. Especially as we get older and set in our ways, we feel we can get by with doing things the same way we have done them for years.

We would do well to embrace the principle of PROGRESSION and not to resist it because it is God’s way of doing things and it will lead us to happiness and to him. Like an earthly Father who wants to see their crawling son walk and their walking son run…our Heavenly Father sees us in all our potential and wants us to progress.

Does that mean that he doesn’t love us the way we are? NO not in the least. He loves us more than we could ever imagine because we are his. He just sees us differently than we see ourselves. He sees us in our full potential. If the whole goal of life is simply to just live with God why did we ever leave? We had to come to earth so that we could become like God. This is the potential he sees in us…to become as he is.

In order to reach our full potential Jesus Christ volunteered to sacrifice himself. Christ doesn’t just cleanse us from sin but he gives us power to become our best selves and live up to our full potential, to become perfect like him and to become like our Heavenly Father. This is called the “ennobling power of Christ” and I feel like Ether 12:27 best describes it,

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

Christ has power to change things that we think are impossible to change. Do we really believe this? When we fold our arms defiantly and say that this is just the way we are, that we don’t want to change and that we were just “born this way “we are denying the very miracle of Jesus Christ. When we resist change for the better we are shutting Christ out of our lives. We think we will be fine staying right where we are but we are deceiving ourselves.

Our spirits were divinely programmed to want to progress and if we aren’t progressing its impossible to be happy. We don’t find happiness in erasing Gods high expectations. We find happiness as we seek God’s help through the Savior to meet those high expectations.

No matter how many times we fail we need to find the resolve to try again…to believe in the power of miracles and change that one day you will break through. Often it seems as though our same weaknesses are exposed over and over and thrown in our face time and time again. We all have those sins or commandments or road blocks to progression that we hold on to.  Should we get rid of any lofty goals or ideals then and give up? Never. The world really is black and white when it comes to this principle. Either we are progressing or we are not.  There is only one destination after this life that will bring us eternal happiness and progression and that is living with God forever in the highest kingdom of heaven. For those who chose not to progress they will not want to live with God because they aren’t comfortable there. They are fine with staying the way they are. There will be a place reserved for these people as well but it will be a place where they are unable to progress. They aren’t comfortable with progression and hard things being thrown at them, so they stay the way they are…FOREVER!

If we are willing to accept PROGRESSION and use the power and love of the Savior to change in this life we will also get that opportunity in heaven. God will allow us to progress with a spouse and a family and to have spirit children of our own, possibly even create worlds and put our children on those worlds so that we can watch them become like us and have joy seeing them do that! Can you imagine that!? I want that happiness!!!

But this goal often seems all too far away. We are men and women with real human weakness and an idea like that seems ludicrous. People all around us are content with mediocrity. The philosophies of men are all around us… their words often appear well put together and wise.

They say things like, “I don’t need a religion to have a relationship with God…”, “The Mormon God just asks too much…(church 3 hours a week, 10 % tithing, missionary service, No coffee or tea?). My God doesn’t ask anything and I like this a lot better.” or lastly “You have your truth, I have my truth, we all must simply be true to our own truths.”

These ideas often get into the heads of members of the church even in lots of different ways. They see a God who is loving and forgiving but they don’t want a God who asks them to stretch themselves or sacrifice. What these people often fail to realize is that God is not a butler or a servant or even a therapist only there when we need him to make us feel better… just like our parents on earth He wants us to learn and grow and He requires our obedience, self-control, self-discipline and to make hard decisions and sacrifices. Ultimately He wants our time, our talents our possessions and even our very lives and hearts!!!

In Mosiah 7:33 God gives us a promise, “But if ye will turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, and put your trust in him, and serve him in all diligence of mind, if ye do this, he will, according to his own will and pleasure, deliver you out of bondage.” Whatever our personal “bondage” or source of unhappiness…it can be tossed aside through turning our whole lives to God. He has the power to do miracles, to change circumstances and to change us.

What we don’t see is that some of the worldly philosophies out there will damn up the way of eternal progression. They often encourage us to find happiness in focusing on ourselves or on letting go of any goals or expectations all together. There are people everywhere who want to change what God asks to meet their lifestyle instead of changing their lifestyle to meet what God asks. These people are at war with God. For example I saw this quote the other day and I thought it was the perfect example of a little bit of truth mixed with complete falsehood to seem appealing to our natures…

Life is not about getting tossed here and there with any or every opportunity that presents itself…We have prophets and apostles today who are far wiser than any philosopher who has ever lived because their knowledge comes straight from God. They have shown us that through the Savior there is a clear path and direction to happiness and that we should make our goals centered on that path.

Here is one of my favorite quotes from an apostle of the Lord, “One’s life cannot be both faith-filled and stress-free. Therefore, how can you and I really expect to glide naively through life, as if to say, ‘Lord, give me experience, but not grief, not sorrow, not pain, not opposition, not betrayal, and certainly not to be forsaken. Keep from me, Lord, all those experiences which made Thee what Thou art! Then let me come and dwell with Thee and fully share Thy joy!’ Real faith is required to endure this necessary but painful developmental process.”
-Neal A. Maxwell

We know that the road will get hard and we will fail. But we can press forward towards those goals with confidence because of the power and love of the Savior to pick us up again. We shouldn’t give up and throw away goals and plans and ideals because they are hard or seem out of reach. We simply need to put one foot in front of the other and enjoy this life’s journey of progression one day at a time.

I love to climb mountains. My favorite hike in the world is the mountain pictured above at Half Dome in Yosemite. I not only find satisfaction at the top of a mountain which comes from the sense of accomplishment in setting a goal and achieving it… but I also  find joy in the views along the way. We can’t get so caught up in getting to the top that we forget to stop and notice the beauty around us…the company of those hiking with us, the flowers, the streams, the trees, the animals…etc. We know that if we slip and fall or if we stop and give up that we have our big Brother there to encourage us to press on…at times he may even put us on his back and carry us if he has to. He is there to help if we will let him. What a comfort that is!!!

None of us will reach the top of the progression mountain in this life…or ever…that is why we talk about FOREVER or ETERNITY. We are all simply striving to get to that next checkpoint… Whatever it may be we must not give up and keep our goals and the savior ever-present on our minds. We will find happiness as we choose to progress and move forward. No one wants to drink from stagnant waters. Bacteria, bugs and diseases accumulate in this kind of water. I would rather drink from the stream of running water. It is constantly being refreshed and it is clean and pure. Life happens fast and it is constantly pulling us in many directions. Lets all remember to constantly be progressing and growing and running!!!

Mosiah 4:27 Says that “it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength…” but it doesn’t ever say that a man should stop running altogether. We need to be patient with ourselves and take enough time to enjoy the journey but we should always be progressing onward and upward.

In my life right now this principle of progression has hit me especially hard. Dental school is very challenging and I am a mere infant when it come sot my knowledge of dentistry compared to what is out there. There are days when it all seems overwhelming and I want to give up or I even question my career choice altogether. What I have to remember is that I just need to be continuing to learn at a steady pace and that gradually I will go from being an infant to a child and then to a teenager and adult when it come sot dentistry. There is no need to freak out. Even after graduation from school I will not have “made it.” I will need a mentor and higher training to become proficient in all of the skills. Even my dad who is 50 and has been practicing over 25 years still needs to go to seminars and take continuing education courses. My journey in dentistry is thus a microcosm of life…i will be ever learning and progressing. This picture (below) might be me at 55!?

Another aspect of life that requires constant progression is within relationships that we chose to involve ourselves in…Whether it is dating or a friendship or marriage. If the relationship is progressing towards a future and both people are invested and committed 100 % to each other and to the gospel then this will most likely be a healthy relationship. It will not be free of hardship or trials or stress but both people will be happy because they will be moving forward in trust and honesty and communication. But if the relationship for some reason becomes stagnant or if either person begins to feel trapped or unable to move forward and become a better person then that relationship should be let go. It does more damage than good to hold onto and continue to invest time and emotion and passion into something that simply is not progressing. It gets especially hard when emotions and feelings of love and caring are involved. Letting go is often the hardest thing to do.

Lastly I want to talk about progression in the commandments. None of us are perfect yet we are commanded to be perfect (Mat 5:48). None of us are living the commandments 100 percent of the time. Sure we can be 100 % perfect in our tithing or fasting every fast sunday but where is our heart? Is our heart completely humble and broken before God as we make these sacrifices? When the Lord commanded us to not even to look upon a woman to lust after her or we have committed adultery in our hearts (Mat 5:28) do we believe that is even possible?

I will be the first to admit that there are certain weak areas in my life (such as the former) that I have been content with leaving them the way they are for quite some time. I’m a good a person I tell myself even if I commit these same errors from time to time. I tell myself “I was born that way” so that a specific commandment is harder for me to live and I shy away from doing the hard thing. I tell myself well I have failed over and over and I just can’t be perfect so I might as well just give up…God loves me the way I am even with this weakness right?

Right. God loves us no matter what and the Savior and his Atonement is ever available to me but he wants me to keep trying…to continue climbing my personal mountains and to buy into his eternal principle of progression.My Dad often comments about how his group of High priests who are all older men often discuss their continuing struggle with keeping pure thoughts or having to struggle to change the channel from an indecent program or things like that. Old men who still struggle with the same struggle I have? Surely the Lord meant for progression to last a lifetime.

The Lord looks on us crawling in certain commandments and would rather see us running and jumping, soaring to new heights. Does that mean he is judging us for where we are at? NO!!! Often we mistake a righteous desire or expectation or goal as a judgment…It is not that at all but an expression of love to be better. We need not get mad at those around us who would encourage us to be better. We shouldn’t chase these people out of our lives. We should appreciate their willingness to push us to be better.

I love the Lord and his principle of eternal progression and I recommit myself today to strive for change and improvement in all areas of my life. Let us all accept this principle of progression and turn to our Savior who will show us the more excellent way.

Making a Paradigm Shift

Posted by Kent on October 8, 2012
Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: , , , , , . 4 comments

My mind right now feels a little heavy and so I sit down to write once again. General conference, dental school and life in general have my head spinning on idea overload. It usually is that way all the time, but more so when I feel a post coming on. I am by nature what people like to call “a scatter brain.” The time I take to sit down and write is actually therapy for my mind. It is my time where I can link all the crazy ideas in my head in some sort of logical coherence. I started blogging a year ago and little did I know that my blog would turn into what it is now (22 posts later!)…Although I am starting to get some good traffic I am not making money off of the blog and I never will. The purpose of my blog is to inspire others with the inspiration that I myself have received. It is a small way that I like to lift and help those around me. I focus on the gospel and lessons I have learned about truth. I talk in ideals because I am a dreamer but please realize that I am a piece of work. I don’t have all the answers and often I find it hard to live up to what I put down on paper. So before I dive into the topic I just wanted to say thank you for everyone who reads and for those that take the time to send me notes of appreciation and support. We are all in this together. Hearing from you gives me more motivation to keep writing!

Some of you may be asking yourselves right now…what in the world is a paradigm shift? Before I go any further I want to define this term clearly.

In 1962, Thomas Kuhn wrote “The Structure of Scientific Revolution”, and fathered, defined and popularized the concept of “paradigm shift” . Kuhn argues that scientific advancement is not evolutionary, but rather is a “series of peaceful interludes punctuated by intellectually violent revolutions”, and in those revolutions “one conceptual world view is replaced by another”.

We can think of a paradigm shift then as a change from one way of thinking to another. It doesn’t always have to be related to the context of science. It is a revolution, a transformation, a sort of metamorphosis. It does not just happen, but rather it is driven by agents of change. In a way it is going against the grain or normal perceptions whether for good or bad.

The mind is a powerful control center that is often underestimated. After doing something regrettable we often question ourselves and how we got to that point. As we trace back our thought process it all goes back to a single initial thought in our head.

From the words of Cobb, the dream manipulator portrayed by Leonardo DiCaprio in the film Inception…

“What’s the most resilient parasite? An Idea. A single idea from the human mind can build cities. An idea can transform the world and rewrite all the rules.”

The hardest task in life is to learn to master our own minds. If we can master our thoughts then our words and actions and decisions will follow and we will be in control.From the poem “Invictus,” we will be the masters of our fate and captains of our soul. Our lives will be in peace and harmony and our mind will be at subtle peace as everything will be in harmony.

We run into problems in life when we let our minds run haywire on us. Our actions will then also be all over the place and we will have lost total control of our lives. We will be like a tiny fall leaf that falls off a tree in the midst of a storm…we’ll be tossed here and there not knowing where exactly we will end up.

Training of the mind is the most difficult kind. Jedi mind control is what gave Luke and Darth Vader power in the old movie series “Star Wars.” But mind control is not just for science fiction and movies, it is a very real thing accessible to all of us in the here and now.

We are divine children of a Heavenly Father who loves us. He is the creator of the mind and therefore can teach us how to harness its power for good. Id like to compare our mind to the internet. We can use the internet for good or for bad. If we harness its power for our benefit it can be a huge source of light and knowledge. Anything and everything is at our fingertips on the web… Just as anything and everything is possible in the mind. We think it and it is created in our minds, we google it and it pos up on the screen!! Just as we need to make sure what we are choosing to do on the web is good and positive we need to make sure what we are choosing to put in our minds is positive and good. Easier said than done.

Mind control takes a lifetime of repeated efforts and refinement. When we are in control of our mind we are in control of our lives. We will think something and it will happen. Success will find us as desired outcomes become realities.

So where do we start our paradigm shift? How can we possibly begin a task so great as learning to conquer our own minds? The answer I believe lies in our own self perception. How we see ourselves affects all other areas of our lives for the negative or positive so we might as well start there.

I was first introduced to the term paradigm shift when I played volleyball at BYU from my coach Shawn Patchell. He was an English professor at BYU on top of coaching and would often hit us players with philosophy to try to inspire us and get us to think outside the box. He wanted us to see ourselves as champions…to think and therefore act, practice and play like champions.

I had to go through my own personal paradigm shift as apart of the BYU volleyball program. I came onto the volleyball team as a walk on and a three sport athlete in high school. I never played club volleyball. Most all of my teammates played only volleyball their whole lives and their games were much more polished skill wise. I was kind of a dark horse athlete with a ton of potential but more of a piece of work when it came to volleyball. I played setter in high school then when I red-shirted in 2004 as a freshmen BYU moved me to the outside hitter position.

After my mission I quit to pursue basketball…but an ankle fracture one day before tryouts left my basketball dream shattered. Miraculously the assistant volleyball coach saw me playing intramural volleyball a short time later and asked me to go back on the volleyball team. I was scared because of my lack of experience and wasn’t too confident in my abilities. On top of that he wanted me to play opposite hitter, a new position that i wasn’t familiar with.

So I had a decision to make. Should I go back on the team and try to discover my untapped potential as a volleyball player?

I needed to make a decision  to go through my own paradigm shift and have a personal revolution… to believe in myself as a volleyball player. Instead of letting my lack of experience get me down I focused my thoughts on what I wanted to become. I knew my past experience in other sports could only help me become the best volleyball player I could be. I used my work ethic with weights and conditioning in other sports and channeled that into obtaining a higher vertical leap. I studied film of volleyball players and spent countless hours in the gym working on my skills. I took up beach volleyball in the offseason to further increase my skill level, ball control and conditioning. Long story short, after being away from volleyball for 3 whole years (mission plus one year after)…I was able to travel with the team that same year, earn a scholarship later on and develop into a team captain and starter at the opposite position. What if I would not have decided to make a paradigm shift in my head and believe in myself as a volleyball player? I don’t think I would have had much of a career at all. What I chose to believe about myself made all the difference.

Self perception really is everything… We need to decide what it is that we want to become and then align our thoughts and actions with that view we have of ourselves. The world and the critics around us will try to shove us into categories or confine us by how they see us…we can’t let that stop us from exercising our power to control our own destiny, to become what we want to become.

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience.”—Teilhard de Chardin

Emphasizing the fact that we are spiritual beings should bring us a sense of empowerment. Our circumstances will always be changing around us. We can’t control that no matter how hard we try. It would be like trying to control the weather= impossible. We also can’t control are decisions by other human beings that affect us negatively. We have the power within us to rise above it all and become who we want to become regardless of what goes on around us, because our power and strength comes from within, it comes from the mind.  We can choose to be happy. The way we react says a lot about our character and our level of mind control.

President David O. McKay once said: “Spirituality is the consciousness of victory over self, and of communion with the Infinite.”

When we realize our divine nature as children of our Heavenly Father we are blessed with direction. We need to be careful and align our thoughts with our father so that our lives can be matched up with his will.

Right now I am going through another paradigm shift that has to do with my current life situation. I am 27 years old, not married, Mormon and in dental school living in AZ. I go to school for 8 hours a day and I am acquiring huge amounts of debt. I often feel trapped in school and that my future dreams won’t ever come true. I want so badly to be settled down in my own home with a wife and to be a Father.  I cannot afford to be unhappy with my current situation just because some of my dreams are taking more time to be fulfilled. I must look at myself and my current situation as a blessing and make the most of it. I have to realize that everything has its time. I need to let go of any worry, fear or doubt about the future and to simply go forward with patience and confidence that all my dreams will be realized at some point. I need not to worry when things don’t go as planned. I need to accept my situation and find happiness in the day-to-day. I can’t worry so much about forcing things to happen when I want them to…I have to let them come in the appropriate time.

Thus my paradigm shift is to change the way I see myself once again. I am not a failure because I am not married and not making money quite yet. I am in contrast, confident in myself and my situation and in my preparation for the future. I can use the power of my mind to stay positive and to prepare each day for what is ahead.

I went to LA last weekend and the road trip was complete therapy. There is something relaxing and mind settling about a long drive. I stayed at my good friend Marcus’ house who I met this summer. We spent time on the beach throwing a football, riding bikes, long boarding and eating good food. I had a long talk with him about my life right now and he really helped me see that I can’t afford to get frustrated or upset at circumstances. He kind of has a hippy mentality without the dreads or guitar to show for it.

Marcus recently got his expensive road bike stolen from right outside his apartment. I asked him if he was upset and he said no…I was kinda surprised…but then he just looked at me smiling and said, “well that sucks but I guess maybe he needed that bike more than me…” It takes a strong man with a powerful mind to be able to react that way to a situation like that.

I was reminded during that short weekend in LA that I must keep my feet on the ground and enjoy each day as if it was my last. The simple things in life are often the most rewarding. We made lasting memories and had long talks ill never forget. Really that is what life is all about. If we all took a little more time to slow down just for a minute and regain control of our minds we would be much better off. I believe I started a paradigm shift on that LA trip that I would like to continue in change… to be confident and patient in my situation, enjoy each day as if it was my last and to attempt to control only what I can control: My mind!!!

Lets all make the paradigm shifts we need to make in order to be at peace with ourselves and in harmony with our life circumstances and our Heavenly Father.

Beginning a New Chapter

Posted by Kent on September 1, 2012
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I like to think of my life as a novel…and that each different part of my life can be divided into chapters. Anyone who has read a good novel can hardly put the book down because of the suspense of not knowing what will come next. Our lives, if we step back for a moment and look at it from a third-party perspective, can be like an award-winning novel. But it is our life and we need to realize that  the novel before us is actually an autobiography and we get to fill the pages of each new chapter. We should fill our lives with meaning and purpose and give ourselves things to look forward to if we want our novel to be superb.

We write each day onto blank pages (like the blank sky in the picture above) and then the weeks and months go by. What are we choosing to put onto paper and include in our story?

I have chosen to let lots of adventure into my life story because that is just the way I am. I get bored easily and restless and so I am constantly on the move seeking for opportunities to grow and expand my life experience. The world and the people in it intrigue me…I don’t want to leave any stone unturned.

My most recent summer chapter was no exception. I finished my first year of school and I chose to move to Los Angeles right in the heart of the city of Santa Monica Boulevard.

I think I was in the right place at the right time because I was able to meet Carlie and we were able to get to know each other and grow in a relationship all summer. I had full intentions of continuing with The Mormon Bachelor but had to step down because I wanted to be honest and date Carlie. It was nice to be able to share summer adventures with Carlie and her son Cooper… 4th of July in Idaho with everyone was definitely the highlight of the summer!!! I got introduced to the YouTube family and even started my own channel and business “ClarkKent Hops.”

On top of all that I got to play some beach volleyball, go to a Dodgers and an Angels game, visit Compton and South Central, play pickup basketball on Venice Beach, visit the LA temple and visitor center and make some true friends in LA that I will never forget. I spent a week and a half in casting finals for the CBS TV show, “The Amazing Race” just barely missing the cut.

Oh yea and by the way I did end up passing my Dental Part 1 National Board Exam on August 15th…It was a dark cloud hanging over my head all summer but I finally knocked it out!!! After that it was a Utah trip to see my family and Idaho one more time and now I’m back in AZ starting my 2nd year of dental school!!! phew!!!

As I reflect on my summer chapter I am nothing but grateful. It was a roller coaster with lots of ups and downs but I love roller coasters. What stayed constant throughout the summer was the support of family, friends and loved ones who showed me that they cared. This was my last free summer without work or school of my life!!! Never again will I have that chance and so I made the most of it.

As my new chapter begins I am realizing that I still have the constant of friends and family by my side like angels to help me through the hard days and to celebrate with on the great days. What I have realized is that it’s “the characters” in your life novel that really make it worth reading/living. If there weren’t any characters then your story would be boring. We would all have the same old story maybe something like the movie Cast Away with Tom Hanks where he so desperately needed somebody that he ended up making a volleyball that he named “Wilson” his best friend.

Money, fame, cars, possessions and all that stuff you cannot take with you to the next life but your relationships with people will endure forever. D&C 130:2 states “that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy.” This verse literally means that everyone you know here, even a small acquaintance, you will know in the next life. That is why it is so important for us to love our fellow-men because you might be able to avoid someone here on earth temporarily but they like you will live forever and be around forever!!! The best moments with friends and loved ones here will go one in heaven but they will be magnified by “eternal glory.” I don’t know about you but I cannot wait for that chapter.

Yet we must live in the present. My present chapter has only been a week back on the grind at school has been exhausting. It is nice to settle into a routine but kind of difficult to keep an insanely busy pace when the summer was so relaxed. I started coaching volleyball as an assistant for Mountain Ridge high school girls varsity which on top of school keeps me very busy. Hard work is good for the soul though and I feel productive. The 2nd year of dental school is not as much book work, there is much more hands on time working on a mannequin in the Simulation Lab which  is much more interesting. Crazy to think I will be treating real live patients by next summer!!!

I had an especially difficult day this week on Wednesday hump day. I ended up having my keys fall out of my scrub pocket onto the floor while at lunch at a Pizza place. It caused me lots of unnecessary stress searching the entire campus and my friend’s car until I finally backtracked all the way to the Pizza place. I called my friend Collin who was nice enough to pick me up from campus and take me home to get my spare key and then drive me back to campus so I could drive. Then later that night I ended up running out of gas. It was on empty for three days I don’t know how long I thought I could run on fumes. A friend named JR picked me up and we went and bought a gas tank at Pep Boys, then to the gas station and to my car… Without these two friends in my life my failure of a day could have been even a lot worse. These characters came into my story at just the right time.

It feels good to be back here in AZ because it really feels like home. Familiar faces of friends and faculty are comforting. As I begin this new chapter with hope I am determined to fill each page with meaning. I have some new goals for this school semester and I am excited to find my greatness within. I chose 4 words that I want to shape this next chapter of my life:

CONSISTENCY, PATIENCE, SERVICE and PURITY

I want to incorporate these 4 words as principles in my life that will make me a better man. I have a planner where I am going to set specific goals to improve in all these areas of my life.

Are you beginning a new chapter? What are some principles you can choose to incorporate into your novel? What are the steps you will take to accomplish this?

As we all move forward lets remember that our relationships with friends and family are what really matter. Lets create memories that we can carry on with us in this life and into the eternities. If we do this I know that we will be happy because we will not be alone. We will have an exciting novel full of interesting characters and adventure.

When the going gets tough…

Posted by Kent on August 12, 2012
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I am sure 9 people out of 10 could readily complete my title statement with… THE TOUGH GET GOING!!!!

Easier said than done. The truth about life is that when you decided that you are going to strive for greatness and balance in all areas, things get extremely difficult. I don’t know about you but I will not be someone who settles for mediocrity whether it is my career, my health, my faith, my relationships, or even my leisure time. I want it all to be positive and fulfilling. Yet I don’t wanna stop there…I want to have the best of the best in all these areas as well.

When the decision is made to want the best in ALL areas, life can get difficult and overwhelming very fast. Why? Because the best of the best and the most rewarding in life is achieved not overnight but with great struggle over time. It is a fact that the greatest and most rewarding things this life has to offer are also the most difficult to achieve.

One example of this in my own life is my career choice to become a dentist. I decided early on in my undergraduate career that this was the path I wanted. I see my Dad’s life…he works 3 days a week, makes a comfortable and steady income and my Mom has never had to work a day in her life. He has always been there for me to be a Father. Finding greatness in a career I believe is about balance. It is not about where you will be able to make the most money. The greatest joy and happiness found in this life are with family relationships and so a great career should allow you to focus on family.

When I made the decision to become a dentist I was not alone. I went to a pre-dental class at Brigham Young University and it was packed. I talked to lots of my close friends and peers and it seemed like the “secret was out” so to speak as to what a great and rewarding career dentistry could be. Over time however my friends and peers seemed to drop like flies. Classes became more and more demanding and many just could not hang in there. To become a dentist not only do you have to achieve a high GPA in your science classes and pre-requisite classes of Chemistry, Biology and so on but you must have a great overall GPA as well. You have to take a Dental Admissions Test and put together a well-rounded application complete with job shadowing and research, volunteer and service hours, and extracurricular activities. It is daunting to say the least. The first time I applied to dental school I applied to 14 schools and got interviews at 5 schools. My GPA and test score was borderline but I was a strong candidate for being well-rounded, having competed in NCAA Division 1 Men’s Volleyball while at BYU, served a two-year mission for my church in Ecuador, and having worked as an oral surgeon lab assistant for two summers. I thought I killed every interview and then I didn’t get accepted to a  single school. I was defeated. I had worked my whole life for the opportunity to go to school and yet I was rejected. My worst nightmare had come true…

Then I thought to myself, WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH…

The tough get going! I decided to reapply. During the reapplication process I continued to mold myself as a person. I decided I wanted to switch sports and play semi-professional basketball. I got to play for short amounts of time overseas  in Austria, with the Utah Flash of the D-League and then on a tour team through China. I went on a dental humanitarian trip to Peru and Colombia and did a field research project on a terrorist organization called the Shining Path while I was there. I participated in suicide research at the Utah Medical Examiners office in Salt Lake City. I studied and retook the DAT examination and got a higher score. I resubmitted my application and only got two interviews this time. I was so nervous. January 13th 2011 was one of the happiest days of my life. I had just left my interview with Midwestern University in Phoenix, Arizona. I got a phone call from the other school I interviewed at and they told me I had been accepted. Then, literally 5 minutes later I got another phone call from Midwestern telling me to come up to the admissions office… They asked me, “Why do you think we would have called you so quickly? (rejections usually come in the form of snail mail letters)…”Uh maybe to tell me I am accepted…” I said hesitantly…”That’s right” the admissions counselor reaffirmed. “Congratulations!” I could not believe my ears. I went from having my hopes and dreams shattered to getting accepted to two schools simultaneously!!! Best day of my life so far!!!

Now I am in dental school and the road has only gotten more rough. I have completed the first year of basic science curriculum and each day is challenging. I have pulled more all-nighters than I ever had in the previous years of my life combined. I am going into heavy financial debt. This summer I am studying to take a National Board exam which is pass/fail and is a comprehensive standardized test encompassing everything that was crammed into my head this first year. To me a multiple choice test and studying long hours alone to prepare is a nightmare. My mind runs a million miles an hour, I am traditionally not a good test taker and I have never been diagnosed but I swear I have ADD.  yet again I have had to complete the statement… WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH…

I know it will all be worth it one day. My Dad said it best, “I sacrificed my twenties, for great thirties and forties…” The greatest reward is being able to share in my career choice with my Dad. He is my hero and I could not ask for a greater mentor.

I share my life not to boast or so that you can all throw me some kind of pity party… I do it simply to illustrate a point. If the road was not extremely difficult, then everyone would be doing it!!! The greatest and most rewarding things in life are the most difficult. To achieve greatness, we must be willing to have the courage to face our greatest fears. We must have the courage when we fail or get discouraged or knocked down to get back up again. We must reach deep inside and decide for ourselves what we really want out of life. I could have given up at any point along the way…but I didn’t.

Natural reactions in life to stress or difficulty are to run away, give up or settle for something lesser and easier. I don’t blame anyone for this reactions because they all have substantial reasons.

Along the path to success we will all be stretched and tried and at times overwhelmed and discouraged. It is going to happen. We might even find ourselves at the bottom of a dark pit with no hope. There is always hope however if you believe in yourself and FIND THE GREATNESS WITHIN YOU.

Success will come not through never-failing, but with each failure a stirring conviction to get back up again. So as we all strive to find our greatness in life I would plead for us to dig deep. What are we willing to settle on in life? Will we sacrifice a future loving family and kids for a lucrative career? Will we let our health slide in order to dedicate more time to work? Will we sacrifice true love for something less than great? Will we give up the blessings that come from Christ and living a life dedicated to serving others? Questions like these and many more are what we need to ask ourselves. We will all come to a personal crossroads time and time again… which path will we take? There is a famous poem by Robert Frost entitled,

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 

I want to take “the road less traveled.” I will not settle for mediocrity in any one area of my life. Therefore I expect my life to be one of great challenges. I expect to have my very worst fears thrown in my face. I know that if I did deep and find the greatness within and through Christ that I will be able to overcome.

There is a story in the Book of Mormon about missionaries who were called to go and teach a very wicked and hopeless people. In one of their own words,

“Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turnback, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success.” (Alma 26:27)

Every time that the going gets tough I hope and pray that I will have the courage to respond with ACTIONS that I will get going!!! I will be on the front lines ready to face the opposition no matter how fierce or scary it may appear. I want to be relied upon and counted on.

I take comfort in the words of a modern-day apostle of my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. His name is Henry B. Eyring and this is a link to his talk entitled, “Mountains to Climb.”

mountains-to-climb?lang=eng

The answers are all in Christ… What if he would have quit on us? He didn’t. He took the road only one can travel. And that has made all the difference.