Beginning a New Chapter

Posted by Kent on September 1, 2012
Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , . 2 comments

I like to think of my life as a novel…and that each different part of my life can be divided into chapters. Anyone who has read a good novel can hardly put the book down because of the suspense of not knowing what will come next. Our lives, if we step back for a moment and look at it from a third-party perspective, can be like an award-winning novel. But it is our life and we need to realize that  the novel before us is actually an autobiography and we get to fill the pages of each new chapter. We should fill our lives with meaning and purpose and give ourselves things to look forward to if we want our novel to be superb.

We write each day onto blank pages (like the blank sky in the picture above) and then the weeks and months go by. What are we choosing to put onto paper and include in our story?

I have chosen to let lots of adventure into my life story because that is just the way I am. I get bored easily and restless and so I am constantly on the move seeking for opportunities to grow and expand my life experience. The world and the people in it intrigue me…I don’t want to leave any stone unturned.

My most recent summer chapter was no exception. I finished my first year of school and I chose to move to Los Angeles right in the heart of the city of Santa Monica Boulevard.

I think I was in the right place at the right time because I was able to meet Carlie and we were able to get to know each other and grow in a relationship all summer. I had full intentions of continuing with The Mormon Bachelor but had to step down because I wanted to be honest and date Carlie. It was nice to be able to share summer adventures with Carlie and her son Cooper… 4th of July in Idaho with everyone was definitely the highlight of the summer!!! I got introduced to the YouTube family and even started my own channel and business “ClarkKent Hops.”

On top of all that I got to play some beach volleyball, go to a Dodgers and an Angels game, visit Compton and South Central, play pickup basketball on Venice Beach, visit the LA temple and visitor center and make some true friends in LA that I will never forget. I spent a week and a half in casting finals for the CBS TV show, “The Amazing Race” just barely missing the cut.

Oh yea and by the way I did end up passing my Dental Part 1 National Board Exam on August 15th…It was a dark cloud hanging over my head all summer but I finally knocked it out!!! After that it was a Utah trip to see my family and Idaho one more time and now I’m back in AZ starting my 2nd year of dental school!!! phew!!!

As I reflect on my summer chapter I am nothing but grateful. It was a roller coaster with lots of ups and downs but I love roller coasters. What stayed constant throughout the summer was the support of family, friends and loved ones who showed me that they cared. This was my last free summer without work or school of my life!!! Never again will I have that chance and so I made the most of it.

As my new chapter begins I am realizing that I still have the constant of friends and family by my side like angels to help me through the hard days and to celebrate with on the great days. What I have realized is that it’s “the characters” in your life novel that really make it worth reading/living. If there weren’t any characters then your story would be boring. We would all have the same old story maybe something like the movie Cast Away with Tom Hanks where he so desperately needed somebody that he ended up making a volleyball that he named “Wilson” his best friend.

Money, fame, cars, possessions and all that stuff you cannot take with you to the next life but your relationships with people will endure forever. D&C 130:2 states “that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy.” This verse literally means that everyone you know here, even a small acquaintance, you will know in the next life. That is why it is so important for us to love our fellow-men because you might be able to avoid someone here on earth temporarily but they like you will live forever and be around forever!!! The best moments with friends and loved ones here will go one in heaven but they will be magnified by “eternal glory.” I don’t know about you but I cannot wait for that chapter.

Yet we must live in the present. My present chapter has only been a week back on the grind at school has been exhausting. It is nice to settle into a routine but kind of difficult to keep an insanely busy pace when the summer was so relaxed. I started coaching volleyball as an assistant for Mountain Ridge high school girls varsity which on top of school keeps me very busy. Hard work is good for the soul though and I feel productive. The 2nd year of dental school is not as much book work, there is much more hands on time working on a mannequin in the Simulation Lab which  is much more interesting. Crazy to think I will be treating real live patients by next summer!!!

I had an especially difficult day this week on Wednesday hump day. I ended up having my keys fall out of my scrub pocket onto the floor while at lunch at a Pizza place. It caused me lots of unnecessary stress searching the entire campus and my friend’s car until I finally backtracked all the way to the Pizza place. I called my friend Collin who was nice enough to pick me up from campus and take me home to get my spare key and then drive me back to campus so I could drive. Then later that night I ended up running out of gas. It was on empty for three days I don’t know how long I thought I could run on fumes. A friend named JR picked me up and we went and bought a gas tank at Pep Boys, then to the gas station and to my car… Without these two friends in my life my failure of a day could have been even a lot worse. These characters came into my story at just the right time.

It feels good to be back here in AZ because it really feels like home. Familiar faces of friends and faculty are comforting. As I begin this new chapter with hope I am determined to fill each page with meaning. I have some new goals for this school semester and I am excited to find my greatness within. I chose 4 words that I want to shape this next chapter of my life:

CONSISTENCY, PATIENCE, SERVICE and PURITY

I want to incorporate these 4 words as principles in my life that will make me a better man. I have a planner where I am going to set specific goals to improve in all these areas of my life.

Are you beginning a new chapter? What are some principles you can choose to incorporate into your novel? What are the steps you will take to accomplish this?

As we all move forward lets remember that our relationships with friends and family are what really matter. Lets create memories that we can carry on with us in this life and into the eternities. If we do this I know that we will be happy because we will not be alone. We will have an exciting novel full of interesting characters and adventure.

When the going gets tough…

Posted by Kent on August 12, 2012
Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: , , , , , , , . 5 comments

I am sure 9 people out of 10 could readily complete my title statement with… THE TOUGH GET GOING!!!!

Easier said than done. The truth about life is that when you decided that you are going to strive for greatness and balance in all areas, things get extremely difficult. I don’t know about you but I will not be someone who settles for mediocrity whether it is my career, my health, my faith, my relationships, or even my leisure time. I want it all to be positive and fulfilling. Yet I don’t wanna stop there…I want to have the best of the best in all these areas as well.

When the decision is made to want the best in ALL areas, life can get difficult and overwhelming very fast. Why? Because the best of the best and the most rewarding in life is achieved not overnight but with great struggle over time. It is a fact that the greatest and most rewarding things this life has to offer are also the most difficult to achieve.

One example of this in my own life is my career choice to become a dentist. I decided early on in my undergraduate career that this was the path I wanted. I see my Dad’s life…he works 3 days a week, makes a comfortable and steady income and my Mom has never had to work a day in her life. He has always been there for me to be a Father. Finding greatness in a career I believe is about balance. It is not about where you will be able to make the most money. The greatest joy and happiness found in this life are with family relationships and so a great career should allow you to focus on family.

When I made the decision to become a dentist I was not alone. I went to a pre-dental class at Brigham Young University and it was packed. I talked to lots of my close friends and peers and it seemed like the “secret was out” so to speak as to what a great and rewarding career dentistry could be. Over time however my friends and peers seemed to drop like flies. Classes became more and more demanding and many just could not hang in there. To become a dentist not only do you have to achieve a high GPA in your science classes and pre-requisite classes of Chemistry, Biology and so on but you must have a great overall GPA as well. You have to take a Dental Admissions Test and put together a well-rounded application complete with job shadowing and research, volunteer and service hours, and extracurricular activities. It is daunting to say the least. The first time I applied to dental school I applied to 14 schools and got interviews at 5 schools. My GPA and test score was borderline but I was a strong candidate for being well-rounded, having competed in NCAA Division 1 Men’s Volleyball while at BYU, served a two-year mission for my church in Ecuador, and having worked as an oral surgeon lab assistant for two summers. I thought I killed every interview and then I didn’t get accepted to a  single school. I was defeated. I had worked my whole life for the opportunity to go to school and yet I was rejected. My worst nightmare had come true…

Then I thought to myself, WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH…

The tough get going! I decided to reapply. During the reapplication process I continued to mold myself as a person. I decided I wanted to switch sports and play semi-professional basketball. I got to play for short amounts of time overseas  in Austria, with the Utah Flash of the D-League and then on a tour team through China. I went on a dental humanitarian trip to Peru and Colombia and did a field research project on a terrorist organization called the Shining Path while I was there. I participated in suicide research at the Utah Medical Examiners office in Salt Lake City. I studied and retook the DAT examination and got a higher score. I resubmitted my application and only got two interviews this time. I was so nervous. January 13th 2011 was one of the happiest days of my life. I had just left my interview with Midwestern University in Phoenix, Arizona. I got a phone call from the other school I interviewed at and they told me I had been accepted. Then, literally 5 minutes later I got another phone call from Midwestern telling me to come up to the admissions office… They asked me, “Why do you think we would have called you so quickly? (rejections usually come in the form of snail mail letters)…”Uh maybe to tell me I am accepted…” I said hesitantly…”That’s right” the admissions counselor reaffirmed. “Congratulations!” I could not believe my ears. I went from having my hopes and dreams shattered to getting accepted to two schools simultaneously!!! Best day of my life so far!!!

Now I am in dental school and the road has only gotten more rough. I have completed the first year of basic science curriculum and each day is challenging. I have pulled more all-nighters than I ever had in the previous years of my life combined. I am going into heavy financial debt. This summer I am studying to take a National Board exam which is pass/fail and is a comprehensive standardized test encompassing everything that was crammed into my head this first year. To me a multiple choice test and studying long hours alone to prepare is a nightmare. My mind runs a million miles an hour, I am traditionally not a good test taker and I have never been diagnosed but I swear I have ADD.  yet again I have had to complete the statement… WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH…

I know it will all be worth it one day. My Dad said it best, “I sacrificed my twenties, for great thirties and forties…” The greatest reward is being able to share in my career choice with my Dad. He is my hero and I could not ask for a greater mentor.

I share my life not to boast or so that you can all throw me some kind of pity party… I do it simply to illustrate a point. If the road was not extremely difficult, then everyone would be doing it!!! The greatest and most rewarding things in life are the most difficult. To achieve greatness, we must be willing to have the courage to face our greatest fears. We must have the courage when we fail or get discouraged or knocked down to get back up again. We must reach deep inside and decide for ourselves what we really want out of life. I could have given up at any point along the way…but I didn’t.

Natural reactions in life to stress or difficulty are to run away, give up or settle for something lesser and easier. I don’t blame anyone for this reactions because they all have substantial reasons.

Along the path to success we will all be stretched and tried and at times overwhelmed and discouraged. It is going to happen. We might even find ourselves at the bottom of a dark pit with no hope. There is always hope however if you believe in yourself and FIND THE GREATNESS WITHIN YOU.

Success will come not through never-failing, but with each failure a stirring conviction to get back up again. So as we all strive to find our greatness in life I would plead for us to dig deep. What are we willing to settle on in life? Will we sacrifice a future loving family and kids for a lucrative career? Will we let our health slide in order to dedicate more time to work? Will we sacrifice true love for something less than great? Will we give up the blessings that come from Christ and living a life dedicated to serving others? Questions like these and many more are what we need to ask ourselves. We will all come to a personal crossroads time and time again… which path will we take? There is a famous poem by Robert Frost entitled,

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 

I want to take “the road less traveled.” I will not settle for mediocrity in any one area of my life. Therefore I expect my life to be one of great challenges. I expect to have my very worst fears thrown in my face. I know that if I did deep and find the greatness within and through Christ that I will be able to overcome.

There is a story in the Book of Mormon about missionaries who were called to go and teach a very wicked and hopeless people. In one of their own words,

“Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turnback, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success.” (Alma 26:27)

Every time that the going gets tough I hope and pray that I will have the courage to respond with ACTIONS that I will get going!!! I will be on the front lines ready to face the opposition no matter how fierce or scary it may appear. I want to be relied upon and counted on.

I take comfort in the words of a modern-day apostle of my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. His name is Henry B. Eyring and this is a link to his talk entitled, “Mountains to Climb.”

mountains-to-climb?lang=eng

The answers are all in Christ… What if he would have quit on us? He didn’t. He took the road only one can travel. And that has made all the difference. 

BE A ROCK

Posted by Kent on July 30, 2012
Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: , , , , , , . 1 comment

 

I’ve thought a lot lately about what it means to “be someone’s ROCK.”

What it DOES NOT mean is that you have to look like this…

Being someone’s ROCK implies being a source of stability and assurance for someone’s life and future. It means being someone’s constant who can be relied upon and trusted. If you want to cross a raging river that looks impossible…you are surely going to look for rocks to jump on because you know they can get you to the other side. We may be in someones life for just a season, or a lifetime…we should all strive to be a rock for others to rely upon.

Another example of the real impact a sure rock can have on someone else is the story of Alex Honnold. He is the greatest free solo climber in the world. He relies upon rocks to scale the face of a cliff. Often all he uses are his fingers wedged in between rocks that he knows will not move. 

In order to be someone else’s rock one first needs to become their own rock. To become your own rock you must take life “by the horns” so to speak and control what you can control. You must be living each day with the future in mind and make decisions that will bring your life stability and peace.

So much of life is out of control. Outside forces and the decisions of others impact us everyday. The world today is uncertain. No one knows what the future holds.

Statistics tell us that some of us may fall victim to accident, disease, misfortune, tragedy and heartbreak. Odds say that half of all marriages end in divorce. Look at Emily the Bachelorette, did she ever imagine that she would be single again and that her husband would die in a plane crash? Or the victims of the most recent fires in Idaho and Colorado…one day your home is there and the next it has vanished under ashes. No one is immune to the effects of living in a broken world.

We are real people living in a fallen world. Once we all lived with our Father in Heaven but now we are far removed from the sanctuary that is His presence. We find ourselves here on Earth trying to figure out our path. We go through life experiencing different things…some of us born in freedom and prosperity and others into dictatorship and poverty.

Yet it doesn’t matter where you live or who you are, each person is subject to the harsh reality of life. Steve Jobs, the seemingly invincible CEO of Apple…died from cancer refusing surgery or chemotherapy. He was brilliant, yet he could not humble himself enough to give into the wonders of modern medicine to save his own life. College and pro athletes who appear to be “on top of the world” end up with nothing, bankrupt and with no future because they refused to put value on education or financial investment for the future. Often these athletes are on injury away from the unemployment line. Terrel Owens and Allen Iverson are two prime examples as of late. Life can really chew someone up and spit them out over time.

So we know life can flush us down a toilet bowl if we are not careful, but what do we do about it? Do we decide to become a rock or do we run? Everyone looks for some sort of escape from reality whether it be in video games, drugs and alcohol, pornography, gambling, partying or a plethora of other meaningless outlets our society offers. This so-called “escape” is really a black hole which will incinerate your starship of life. Most of these distractions lead to addiction and pretty soon you aren’t a rock at all but sand that can be washed away. You can’t be trusted or relied upon by anyone else because you can’t even take care of yourself.

There is a song I learned growing up in the church that says that the wise man build his house upon the rock, and the foolish man built his house upon the sand. When the rains came down and the floods came up, the house on the sand washed away but the wise men’s house stood still.

This song is so simple but carries so much application. As we go about our lives are we building them on a rock or on the sand?

So what can we do to become a rock?

The short answer is simple: we build our life around correct principles like I talked about in my previous blog post. Correct principles never change and once they are practiced as habits they will always yield peace and stability. We live each day with our future in mind. We set goals, we manage our time, we work hard, we save and invest our money, we spend less than what we make, we form a network of meaningful relationships for love and support and lastly we live according to God’s laws and we turn our lives over to him.

Christ is the rock of all rocks…and we are expected to become like him. Peter was Christ’s head disciple and right hand man. He defended the Savior when the soldiers came to take him with a sword and cut off one of their ears. Peter’s name (Petros in Greek) means rock. Christ trusted the entire church on the shoulders of Peter when he died. Can you imagine how much trust the Savior would have had to have in Peter?

The idea is that if we pattern ourselves and our lives after Christ that we too can become “rocks” in our own right just like Peter. We may not be asked to lead Christ’s church but we may be asked to lead our wives or husbands, our children and grandchildren, our friends and community in righteousness. The world may be in chaos around us whether it be war, politics, crime, economic downturn, moral corruption, disaster or personal/family tragedy and sorrow but we can be at peace if we follow Christ. He teaches us to have faith, to repent, to keep the commandments and on top of all that to be kind, patient, understanding, forgive and forget and to love unconditionally.

The world is only going to get worse and the time to face life with courage and become a ROCK has never been more urgent.I want to be someone who those closest to me can count on for emotional, spiritual, and physical support and protection. I want to be a man of character and of my word. I want to live life to the fullest and accomplish my goals. Ultimately I want a Christ centered family who not only has enough to support each other but to lift and help and bless the lives of complete strangers who are struggling.

True joy is found in being someone else’s rock. The Savior can’t be with us now but we can’t point others towards his direction. We can live after his example and become the men and women he would have us be. He is going to return to the Earth one day and we will be able to look at him and he will say…

“Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy Lord ” (Matthew 25:23).

 

 

 

 

Becoming a “Man of Principle”

Posted by Kent on July 13, 2012
Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , . 8 comments

A concept that has been on my mind lately is the concept of PRINCIPLE. I am reading (well listening on audiobooks) to”The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey. He just recently passed away so its been neat to learn from him as he is now on the other side. The lessons there reminded me of a discussion I had awhile back with  good friend of mine that I want to share with you. His name is Eric Wood and he  just recently got married to a beautiful girl named Seneca.

I met up with him a couple of months back as he was preparing for the wedding and he kept telling me over and over…”I am a man of principle, I am a man of principle.” It was like his motto. I shrugged it off at the time and was like yea yea Eric that’s cool man whatever. But as I have been progressing in my own personal life I am realizing that I want to become a man of principle as well. But what does that mean?

Joseph Smith, the first prophet and leader of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints taught, “I teach them correct principles and they govern themselves.” (Messages of the First Presidency,comp. James R. Clark, 6 vols., Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1965–75, 3:54.)

So becoming a man of principle is in essence, to govern yourself, your life and all your actions by principles. But what are principles? A principle, by definition, is a concept of truth, rule or law that if lived by, will always bring a direct consequence. Often principles are based on high moral standards of conduct.

Whether you are religious or not, we all can accept that there are certain principles that if adhered to, will benefit individual lives and society as a whole. Positive consequences follow correct principles. Here are some examples of what I believe are correct principles. Why do I believe them? Because when I live them I am happier and better off in the long run.

Love, Sacrifice, Selflessness, Integrity, Respect, Virtue, Trust, Honesty, Compassion, Balance, Justice, Open Communication, Faith, Repentance, Forgiveness, Responsibility, Discipline, Diligence, Patience, Preparation, Commitment, Goal-oriented, Loyalty, Hard work, Perseverance, Free Agency, etc.

Principles are not people, places or things that we can describe specifically. Principles are found within our own behavior. I could compare a correct principle to the concept of gravity. What goes up, must come down…You cannot see or touch the force of gravity but you know that its there. It will continue existing no matter what we do as a society or people. You can’t just get rid of gravity. It remains constant.

Now that we know what a man of principle is… the question now is, why become a man (or woman) of principle?

To me the answer is simple, it is because if our lives are founded on principles then our lives will stable. Stability brings peace and happiness and success. Correct principles never change. Good principles and their positive consequences will not go away. Correct principles are like an anchor to the soul and bring us into harmony with the world and universe that surrounds us.

If we are a man or woman of principle then our principles will determine our priorities and decision-making. We can be proactive in deciding to live by these principles which will give us known and desired outcomes instead of letting those around us or the outside world dictate our lives and happiness. It is no secret that if you want to train to be a strong athlete, you must first strengthen your core. Your core involves your abdominal muscles and lower back muscles. If your core is strong then it gives you a solid foundation to build off.

At your core, you want to have engrained in your fibers principles of good moral behavior. They should dictate everything you do in life. A word of caution however: If your core is centered in something other than principle, you are going to be subject to all kinds of change that will bring weakness, instability and conflict. 

Just take a look around you in your own circle of family, friends, acquaintances and then look at society as a whole. Morals and principles have been thrown aside for other motivations. Many good people center their lives on something that is subject to change and it ends up bringing them heartache… Money, Fame, Fashion, Looks, Music, Athletics, their home, etc etc. If all your strength and energy is devoted to one of these pursuits then you are unstable. Your core is weak because it will fluctuate based on the status of your center in the here and now. Still others center their lives on what they think are good things but they still are missing an anchor of principle. Anything other than correct principles can in the long run be harmful.

Centers of family, parents, children, romantic relationships, friendship, career, church, community service are some examples. These are all good things and should definitely be a significant part of your life however neither one should take over as your sole motivation and core for meaning, purpose and direction in life. All of these good things are subject to change as well.

Family members grow up, move away, move on, grow old or die. Romantic relationships end, and the other person often lets you down and fails to live up to expectations. Friends come in and out of our lives and social circles change. Job opportunities come and go and are at the mercy of the demand of society. Church leaders are only temporary and cannot tell us every detail of what we need to do in our lives. Service opportunities are not always present… the list goes on and on.

I don’t know about you but I want my life to be governed by correct principles and I know everything else will fall into place. Correct principles will apply to all other areas of your life and put everything into the right perspective. For example, when I started to live my life by principles of virtue, love, selflessness and sacrifice I found a beautiful woman and she became my girlfriend.

Now that I am in a relationship, living according to principles of commitment and loyalty has brought us close together. I am developing the principle of patience with the relationship in just taking it a day at a time. There is a saying that “every good thing takes time” and I believe it to be a true principle with relationships. I am learning the principle of trust, with lots of time apart and other guys around my girlfriend constantly I am choosing to not ever be jealous and trust that she will be faithful. Open communication and honesty are also key principles to our relationship.  No secrets allowed! The more open and honest and the more we freely communicate the closer we grow and the more we learn about each other. Repentance and forgiveness are essential. We both know that the other person will make mistakes. We all have a past and we all have a future full of shortcomings and mistakes. We are choosing to let those things go and trust in each other that we will recognizes our mistakes and shortcomings in ourselves and commit to changing and improving ourselves.

I am learning and growing each day in my relationship with Carlie. We make each other better. I am growing in understanding of the principles that will give my life a foundation of peace and happiness. As I exercise these principles on a daily basis they are becoming part of who I am. I am becoming a better man. My core is getting strong. I owe it all to her and to Heavenly Father for bringing us together just at the right time.

The ultimate “man of principle” was the Savior Jesus Christ. He taught principles in parables so that the people of his time would understand. He changed the world with principles of love and compassion. He is always the answer. Christ has perfected all of the good principles in himself and that is why he is an “unchangeable” being.

The earth, heavens and universe obey him because they operate on principle as well. Christ is in perfect harmony with the earth, heavens and universe because he embodies perfection of all the principles with which they are made. That is why he can command the elements, turn water to wine and even the waves of the sea obey him.

He is our older brother and our example. He lived a perfect life and he taught us how to live ours the right way to be happy. He has given us the blueprint to return to him and Heavenly Father to live forever with our families. We would be wise to make him the center of our life. By studying his life and making him our foundation, correct principles will naturally start to take root in our lives. We will become our own tree that will give nothing but good fruit to the world and everyone around us. We will then be able to teach our future children and grandchildren correct principles. We will become like the Saviorand then when he comes we will see him and recognize him because we will be like him.

The Book of Mormon and the Bible are both the word of God and teach us about Christ. The scriptures are full of principles that will make us happy. Helaman 5:12 says, “And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.”

Rewiring Your Brain and Heart for Love

Posted by Kent on June 20, 2012
Posted in: Uncategorized. 14 comments

 

My last blog post was about waves in our lives and how it all seems just a little bit beyond us. Allowing agency, Heavenly Father lets us become surfers and choose which waves to ride, and when to enter or exit a wave. I have been riding the wave of the Mormon Bachelor for quite some time now…

I was announced as the Mormon Bachelor on Valentine’s Day, February 14th. In order to make my decision I spent time in fasting and prayer and pondering. I had made personal changes leading up to that point in my life where I felt like my desires were in the right place once again to desire a serious relationship for eternal marriage potential. I had just gotten out of a failed relationship and instead of getting depressed and crawling in hole I decided to have faith and move forward.

From day one on my journey with The Mormon Bachelor I have been fully invested. I was taking it very seriously because it is my life and future. I made a huge deal about my decision and about The Mormon Bachelor because it was a huge deal to me. In a very real way I decided to wear my heart on my sleeve. Pretty soon the declaration of being ready for love was not just to myself, my family, or the producer of the show, but to greater circles within the LDS community, and even out into the world. The Mormon Bachelor like I have said before, a big deal to me has now become a big deal to many more people. It continues to receive national media attention. It has picked up momentum because as members of the LDS church we are very different and our dating show is different and fascinating for that very reason. Just yesterday I did an interview with the CBS show, “The Insider.” People want to know about our standards of conduct and about the goal of temple marriage. At the heart of the show, our version is different than the real version because we are keeping it real and honest and genuine. The real Bachelor or Bachelorette show often fails because the bachelor or Bachelorette is not completely pure in their heart or intentions. Perhaps the motivation is money or fame, or maybe they just have someone already waiting for them to “finish the show” and lead on all the contestants. The Bachelor or Bachelorette may pick one in the end only to break up and cause an incredible amount of drama. A pure an open heart for love is what it takes for it to work out in my opinion. Which leads me into an important announcement…

Many of you may have heard the announcement elsewhere already but if you haven’t, I have decided to step down as The Mormon Bachelor for this season. The reason why is because in the process of preparing and rewiring my brain for love I met someone that I want to date exclusively. It is another wave that has begun in my life that I feel in a very real way is very much “beyond me.” Surprised? Me too. The decision process has all come about in the last week or two. Please let me explain…Not that I need to make myself feel better about all this but because a lot of people will wonder why and want to know the real scoop and from the beginning of this process I haven’t been alone on my journey. It may take awhile so take a seat…this is a mini novel once again. I am happy to share my experiences with all willing to really listen.

Sometimes we can’t plan love. It just happens. Often at a time when we are least expecting it. Her name is Carlie Butler. We met randomly one day while I was with two friends walking on the sidewalk near Venice beach while I was in LA to shoot for The Mormon Bachelor. Above is a picture of exactly where I was. She and her family are LDS and are involved in family and real life oriented YouTube video productions. You may have heard of them they are called “The Shaytards.” They are a little on the wild side but very fun and great people. Anyway Carlie was with her sister in law that day and camera crew interviewing random people in the street. I was with two of my best friends. One of my friends shouted at her from a distance asking if we could be in her video. She agreed and so we walked up and found out that they we were both LDS! They interviewed my friends and I about our favorite family vacations. The video is at the end of this post.

Carlie definitely left an impression on me that day. Not just because she is blonde and good looking (obvious) but because of her personality and wit and overall goodness I could feel. When we met it did come up in conversation that I was The Mormon Bachelor and I left thinking, wow I would love it if a girl like that applied for the show. I knew it was wishful thinking and tried to forget about her because of my commitment to the show. The only problem was that I could not forget about her. I contacted her via Twitter as “The Mormon Bachelor” but she had 23k followers. No way she would respond right? Wrong! We started a conversation and it progressed from there to a friendship very quickly. I loved talking to her and getting to know every little detail about her. She has so much of what I am looking for in a girl…light hearted and fun loving, on fire with her desire to live and share the gospel and help others, an honest heart full of conviction, loves and lives for family and has the same long term life goals of church service and changing the struggling world around her. She is such a sweetheart at the same time and selfless, living to make her son’s life better.

We decided to be friends because of my commitment to the show. With a solid foundation of friendship intact I decided we should meet and I would convince her to come on the show…  Then I soon realized that in all major decision in our life someone else should never convince us that it is right. I would let her make her own decision just like every other girl to come on the show or not. She said she never really felt right about it and I was crushed…until I put myself in her shoes.

Understanding is everything because it gives you a new lens and perspective in which to see the world. New perspective leads to new and better ways of thinking. Too often we choose to see the world only through our lens and we limit ourselves. We become frustrated or upset at others actions without taking the time to really find out why they acted in a certain way. Once we walk a little while in another’s shoes or see the world from their view peace usually sets in. It doesn’t mean we need to agree with their decision but it calms our souls and lets us live in peace and harmony.

 

If I had just met a girl going to do her own “Bachelorette” and I had strong feelings for them how would I feel about her going to meet and date 13 other guys? She is a single mother of a boy named Cooper who is 4 years old. She gave her heart once to a man who didn’t treat it right and it was very traumatic. She will openly admit that she made a mistake by not marrying someone who could give her what she truly wanted in life which is a temple sealing and life in the church. She chose to move on as a divorced single mother and it is really not an easy road. Especially because she is from a small town in Pocatello and there are plenty of rumors and gossip. She has her boy and heart to protect. Throughout the development of our friendship she never once asked me to quit the show to date her. She stressed that the show was my thing and she would wait patiently for a chance with me if it didn’t work out with anyone on the show. Very wise and mature! She’s only 25! She has been through A LOT and it has given her such a beautiful heart.

Sometimes the most beautiful hearts are the broken ones. When muscles break, they build back even stronger than before. The Lord lets us make our own choices, our hearts break but then he is right there inviting us to give our hearts to him and promises that he will heal them. After all what he wants is a “broken heart and a contrite spirit.” (3 Nephi 12:19. Sometimes we have to break our hearts whether it in a relationship, or any other emotional, physical, or mental challenge that may present itself by chance or by our own doing before we are willing to be completely contrite and obedient, or simply to teach us something we need to add to our character. Often it is to purify our hearts that much more and allow us to progress because God loves us that much.

Some can be obedient from start to finish with no major mistakes ever in their life and I have so much respect for those who can do that. I learn so much from those special souls. But whether our mistakes are big or small they are still mistakes, and we all need the blessings of the Atonement. We cannot “earn” our way to Heaven. What we give will never be enough because we are human. But if our hearts are pure and centered in Christ we will eventually want to give up everything for him and the kingdom. We will do things for the right reasons and we will be blessed for it. Anyway enough of my sidetrack on broken hearts…it is a lesson I learned on my mission though from Elder Holland and I hold it very dear to my heart.

So when I realized that I had to make a decision about dating Carlie or doing the show what ensued was a good week and a half of a personal emotional battle.

As I progressed with my preparations for the show I realized that I was more excited to talk to Carlie and spend time with her then I was to go on the show and go on 13 blind dates. My heart was being tugged in two places with the show and with Carlie. I knew that I could not ride both waves at once. It would not be honest to me, to Carlie, to the girls coming on the show or to the very integrity of the show for me to be riding both waves at once.

I had to either cut ties with Carlie completely or quit the show to be fair to everyone. I went back in forth in my head for over a week. All the while I progressed with the show and I had very little communication with Carlie. I needed time and space to make a decision. All those around me could see my face light up as I talked about Carlie and how I felt about her. Distance only made my heart grow fonder and miss her. My heart would literally hurt when I didn’t talk to her for a day or two.

I am not very good at concealing my feelings I guess. For my family and others not directly involved in the process it was hard for them to see my genuine happiness about Carlie because they physically were not here in LA. It got to the point where even the producer as we were moving forward could see that Carlie was making me happy and that by progressing with the show I would simply be “putting on a smile” to simply save face. She was not ok with this.

Neither was I. We need to make very personal decisions alone with Heavenly Father and the Holy Ghost and using our brains, as the scriptures say “you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore you shall feel that it is right (D&C 9:7-8). “

I have felt that it is right and a decision approved by my Heavenly Father. In every quiet moment, every long drive, and every moment alone reading my scriptures or on my knees praying out loud my thoughts turned to Carlie. I gave it time to clear my head while on vacation in Palm Springs. I made an elaborate pro/con list and weighed all options out in my mind. The closer and closer I got to Heavenly Father the more and more He pointed me to her. All I wanted was to be with her. Both waves were good and righteous it was just a matter of which one I wanted to ride. The Lord wants to grant us our righteous desires.

For me this decision really represents turning over a new leaf. I have always been really good at the infatuation stage of love. My family will tell you it pulls on their heartstrings because I am like “the boy who cried wolf.” I get really excited only to see the relationship fizzle after a couple weeks. For the first time in my life, because of the girl (Carlie is amazing) and because of timing I have wanted to freely commit and move forward in a relationship. I am truly a changed man. Once noncommittal, I am now willing to make big decisions and own up to them no matter what the consequences. I realize that many will not agree with my decision. They may think I am foolish or unwise to turn down such a great opportunity, to be a spokesperson for the church and missionary.

Yet the greatest opportunity I will ever have though is to pursue a real relationship with potential for eternal success. I was already a missionary. My mission now is to work towards a temple marriage. I know that it is  “a good seed” as it says in Alma 32 and so as I nurture it and if she does the same we will see what happens!!! This is a giant leap of faith. Yet at the same time it was the easiest hard decision I have ever had to make in my life.

How often do you meet someone in dating where you have such strong feelings, they feel the same way back with no games and you both know God is involved from the very start? Only a couple other times in my life has that been the scenario. It is very rare, especially in today’s society. God has been completely removed from the equation. But never have I felt about anyone the way I feel about Carlie…the feelings are real and deep. For a long time I dated very selfishly…what can this girl do for me? Does she measure up to me? My attitude has changed and now the attitude is more of what can I do for her…how can I make her happy? It is a selfless attitude that has really brought so much power into my feelings for Carlie. I would do anything for her.

I am convinced the reason why I found Carlie through the whole Mormon Bachelor process is because I have successfully rewired my brain and heart for true love. Do I know today that I am going to marry Carlie? No of course not. True love withstands the tests of time we both have to give for it to work.

Do I think we have a good chance though at true love? Of course and that’s why I have chosen to be with Carlie. She makes me a better person. Ultimately there are four main questions to ask in any relationship… How do I feel about him/her? And how do I feel about myself when I’m around him/her? Then the other person has to ask themselves the same questions. Also, very wise counsel from long lasting happy relationships are whether or not you love being around that person and whether or not that person is your best friend. Carlie and I have all those things and more. Do we have our weaknesses? Sure! But we both believe in Ether 12:27 that if we humble ourselves before the Lord he can make our weak things into strengths. I’m extremely excited about the possibilities. I am already learning so much. Patience, forgiveness, independence, communication for understanding, sacrifice and compassion are all parts of our healthy friendship and now relationship.

In my dating and life experience I have come to a profound conclusion. It is a theory and you can take or leave what you want from it. We, as members of the church can learn a little bit from the world and how they do relationships and they too can learn from us and how we do relationships. There is much to be learned on both sides. Before you freak out here me out…We both have similar divorce rates so lets not say that any one of us has it figured out completely. The world can learn from us obviously because of our focus on family, eternity, and true and everlasting covenants in the house of the Lord under proper priesthood authority and everything that entails. Obedience to the law of chastity and being faithful to covenants is another big one that people in the world often miss out on. With these values and principles and covenants intact, there really is no going wrong. Spencer W. Kimball said that almost any two righteous LDS members could make a successful and happy marriage. But flipping sides I think that in general people who aren’t LDS and are in the world generally end up marrying their best friends. Unmotivated by desire for physicality, strong cultural or familial push… people in the world often get married to someone they love to be around and who their personalities click with. They believe in love and romance and affection as very important aspects to the relationship. They spend lots of time together and it is very genuine. However their marriages would have a much higher success rate I believe if they upheld LDS standards of living and had an eternal perspective like we do.

Anyway I love The Mormon Bachelor because it is the uniting of two worlds as it pertains to love and dating. Much good comes and will come from it whether I am a part of it or not. Many of you may ask, how will the show continue for this season? Trust me I was worried about this more than anyone. I really feel for all those involved and the time and money and effort they have exhausted on my behalf. Not to take it lightly but there is an old phrase that says, “The show will go on.”

This is true and I have had it whispered to my soul for comfort. The Mormon Bachelor is a good thing and it will continue to be just that. I am convinced that everyone will still be intrigued, if not more so and it will continue to not only be a missionary opportunity but to bless the lives of everyone involved with pure intentions. The show gets lots of credit if Carlie and I’s relationship ends up working out. If it weren’t for the show I wouldn’t have met Carlie in the first place. Yet the biggest reason the show would get credit is because through the process of preparing I was transformed into a better man. I am not “the more than eligible bachelor” that I used to be. I feel as though I had to make the same decision leaving the show as I did coming into it. Do I want to be a forever Bachelor with Peter Pan syndrome and never grow up? Or do I want to work towards a temple marriage. I have made my decision. Whether it is Carlie or not, I will forever be indebted to The Mormon Bachelor for how it transformed me in my brain and in my heart.

As it says in Daniel 2:35, 44-45 in reference to The Lord’s Church, like a “stone cut out of the mountain” it will roll forth until it fills the whole earth. Just as the Lord can heal a broken heart he can also clean up and fix any difficult scenario, especially if his purposes are involved. Stay tuned in the next couple of days because there will be an announcement as to how the show is moving forward on www.themormonbachelor.com.

I am going to keep writing blog posts, and I will still be involved now minimally with the show. I am hoping that every once in awhile I will be able to give sneak peaks about my relationship with Carlie and where it is heading. Whether it blossoms or not will be up to both her and I but I would love your continued love and support throughout the process. We will most likely be telling our story together both on The Mormon Bachelor site and on her YouTube channel when the timing is right.

As an afterthought here’s the link to the YouTube video of when Carlie and I first met… I make an appearance several times throughout the 6-minute video!!! Its kind of fun to see!!! Check it out!!!

“Beyond Us”

Posted by Kent on June 8, 2012
Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , . Leave a Comment

Everyone of us at sometime or another comes to the realization that there are certain things in this life that are beyond our control.

As hard as we try as mortal human beings to calculate and plan out our  lives and circumstances just to our liking but we fail time and time again. We have our desires that we believe will fit our needs perfectly and we want them to be fulfilled right away. We often think that we can come up with solutions to how we are going to get exactly what we want. We think that we are the one who will align the stars and put the universe back in balance. How silly and ridiculous are we?

I want to illustrate my point with a surfing analogy. I am living here in Southern California preparing for my summer of love and I love to go to the different beaches to watch the surfers do their thing. I travel different beaches sometimes to play beach volleyball and I stand in awe of what the surfers get to experience.

I am 6’6″ and my high center of gravity makes surfing a little tricky for me. I want to be able to have some sort of skill one day in the sport. Each time I have tried though it has ended up in a disaster. Shark sightings at Huntington beach, a thunderstorm at Rincon in Puerto Rico, and once I had a short board with no leash get away from me at some territorial local spot in Newport and almost take a man’s head off.

Any surfer will tell you that he has the utmost respect for the water and the elements that are beyond his or her control. Surfing is such a unique sport where the elements of nature (waves) are combined with the skill and craftiness of man (surfer and his surfboard). The waves usually come in sets of three, but they can dramatically shift with the tide and the wind and gravity’s pull on the earth.

In order for a surfer to be successful, not only do they need to be in top physical condition and master the skills of paddling, standing up and riding but they need to become students of the waves. Timing is everything in surfing. To enter or exit a wave at just the right moment and then ride it out with some style as long as it will allow. Of course this ideal does not always happen. Often there are waves we cannot catch, other surfers that get in the way, or waves that we begin to ride but fall and we are left to toss and turn under water with our head spinning at the mercy of the wave.

What I want to suggest is that there are elements of our lives that we cannot control. Heavenly Father is in control. He has a plan for each one of us and it is through His power that all things will be accomplished. It is our duty as men and women on earth not to figure it all out and try to fix everything but to trust God and his infinite wisdom and that he knows what is best for each of us.

Mosiah 4:9 From the Book of Mormon states, “Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he has created all things both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all things which the Lord can comprehend.” 

There are waves that are set in motion in our lives sometimes that we cannot understand. Whether it be in relationships, school, career, family, trials, suffering, accidents, etc. Sometimes things in our life just happen, whether good or bad. In our finite minds we cannot comprehend the complexities of life. We try to wrap our heads around politics, the economy, families and relationships and yet we still constantly fail as individuals and as a society in all of these areas. No one has all the answers. You might see someone driving a Porsche down the road or anyone in a prominent position of status, wealth or fame and think, “man that guy or gal has got to have all the answers.” Although they may know something you don’t know they don’t have it all figured out. Everyone in this world is on an equal playing field as far as being lost and confused as to why things happen.

Even the Prophet of God, Thomas S. Monson admits that he does not know all the answers. Here is an excerpt from his autobiography where he illustrates this point…

President [J. Reuben] Clark [Second Counselor to President David O. McKay], in his message [to us], suggested that a mission president should not, in response to questions, be embarrassed to say, “I don’t know.” He said, “We get in difficulty if we think we know all the answers.” He then illustrated with an experience from his own life concerning a mission president who had brought an investigator to visit with President Clark, the investigator having about ten questions unanswered. To each question, President Clark had responded, “I don’t know.”

He then said, “Brother Monson, if a member of the First Presidency can answer don’t know” to ten consecutive questions, a mission president should not hesitate to respond, I don’t know.’ He may then send the question to the First Presidency but should not be surprised if he receives an answer back that we don’t know, either. There are many things that the Lord has not yet revealed to the First Presidency.”

God simply refuses to reveal all things unto man until this test of mortal life is through. Waves are set in motion in our lives by God. He controls the elements, gravity and the wind. Christ was able to calm the raging sea, “What manner of man is this! For he commandeth even the winds and water, and they obey him ” (Luke 8:25).

Back to our surfing analogy, it is important above all things that we remember that although we can study the currents, train our hardest to be in perfect shape, or look for the perfect timing, that we are still at the mercy of nature. In our lives we must remain humble yet hungry to conquer all the waves and challenges set before us. If we stopped studying or training we wouldn’t be able to ride a wave in the first place and so our part is necessary as well.

The beauty of this life I think is that we do not know all the answers. How fun or exciting would it be if we did? We are all in this journey together and with our Heavenly Father.  If we “look unto him in every thought, doubt not, fear not” (D&C 6:36) and endure to the end then he will grant unto us eternal life. Our minds will be enlightened and expanded at that time and we will see how our lives were woven as perfect tapestries by God, knowing the end from the beginning and what waves to send our way in order to lead us safely back to home with him.

The Lord commanded the Jaredites to build barges to cross the ocean to the promise land. They had no sails, they could only rely on the Lord that the wind and waves would ultimately lead them to their destination (Ether 2:24-25). We must have similar faith in our personal lives. If we give our lives to the Lord and trust him whole heartedly, he will make out of our lives more than we ever could imagine.

I have no idea what the result of my experience with “The Mormon Bachelor” will be. I hope that in the end it is a true love connection, but I am also realizing that the show is a little bit “beyond me.” There are greater purposes involved.

I know that as I turn to the Lord for guidance or direction that he will be there to lead me along this path. I am being guided by his hand on a daily basis. I have done a lot of media appearances in the past couple weeks. ABC’s “The Bachelorette” has begun and right at the same time Mitt Romney’s campaign and “I am a Mormon” ads are gathering widespread national attention. People are fascinated by the Mormon religion and want to more about why we are so different. We have been on all the major networks, we had an article in The Huffington Post, Discovery channel wants to do a documentary on Mormonism and have us be apart of it, and even TIME magazine wants to do a story. The show has never grabbed so much attention in the past and so it is all a little bit unexplainable.

Even if I do not find love on the show with all of these blind dates, I know that the opportunity I am getting to be a missionary and an ambassador for the Lord is priceless. I am so happy and I feel as though I have transformed into my missionary self again back in Ecuador teaching and testifying of truth. I am constantly being asked questions about our faith and our standards. I get asked questions on the spot and I have to search in my heart for the right words. I find myself opening my mouth and having it filled (D&C 33:8). I often find myself bringing up the temple and eternal families without anyone even asking about it.

If we give our lives to him the Lord promises, “there will I be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.”

All of the different dynamics with the momentum of “the Mormon Bachelor” building up have been daunting. I don’t think anyone can really prepare for an opportunity like this. It feels as though the show is a massive wave headed my way and that I am a little too untrained to know how to best ride. I have been scared, I have been confused and I have been weak. Yet I know where to turn for strength and comfort. Every time I have turned to the Lord he has blessed me with new insights, power to move forward, and love in my heart for everyone involved.

If you would like to follow what has been going on lately in the news, go to the site, wwww.themormonbachelor.com or click on the tab at the top of this blog page under the header “The Mormon Bachelor.” The show will air online starting on July 1st.

Mother’s Day: Becoming Selfless

Posted by Kent on May 13, 2012
Posted in: Uncategorized. 9 comments

“Man can never be a woman’s equal in the spirit of selfless service with which nature has endowed her.”

—Mohandas Ghandi

This is often how I feel. My mom is the most selfless person I know. As it is Mother’s Day, and I am about 700 miles away, the very least I could do was dedicate this blog post to her. I think when we truly love someone we want to tell the whole world, so this is my tribute to my Mom.

Here is a picture of my parents and I after one of my high school football games. My mom was always there no matter what. Here are some examples of her selflessness which I hold dear to my heart.

She would do anything to make sure that my life ran smoothly. I can’t even count how many times she stayed up into the AM helping me type reports or papers (Don’t worry I have since learned to type). On a couple of occasions I remember forgetting the paper we had stayed up so late working on the night before and so she would drive to school and make sure I got it in between classes. Some of you may be thinking how did someone so irresponsible make it to dental school? The answer is simple, a selfless mother.

“The most difficult thing for us seems to be to give of ourselves, to do away with selfishness. If we really love someone, nothing is a hardship.” —Pres. N. Eldon Tanner.

I am sure if you ask my Mom she will say that stuff was no big deal. To me it meant everything.

She knew my basketball games were a big deal to me so on game day she would give me extra special treatment. Before I could drive she would take me to McDonald’s to get two sausage McMuffins with egg, two apple pies and a large Hi-C orange drink every game day. When I realized that probably wasn’t the most healthy pre game breakfast she started waking up long before I crawled out of bed and made me homemade bread with honey. It became a tradition. My mom, perhaps unintentionally, was teaching me a great lesson with that homemade bread. Christ is the bread of life. He laid down his life for us in the ultimate expression of love. By giving her Christlike example she was teaching me who the Savior really is.

One of my most cherished memories is how my tender mother woke me up for seminary. She knew that early morning seminary was not easy for me and so instead of yelling at me or throwing water on me she would slowly creep into my room and start to put lotion on my feet. It was a sacred and selfless act that always worked. How could I not get up after such an expression of love? I knew my mom knew what was best for me and that was to be at seminary every morning.

It reminds me a similar sacred and selfless act performed by the Savior on his disciples…

The washing of the feet is actually a sacred ordinance of the gospel and is the ultimate expression of selflessness. By waking me up with lotion on my feet my mom was teaching me what Christlike love is all about through her example. In everything she does she exemplifies Christ and the love he freely gives each one of us. I feel like I have an intimate relationship with the Savior today and I can feel his love because I first felt it from my mother.

While I was on my mission in Ecuador I got a postcard from my mom with this picture of the moon and angel Moroni on the front…

My mom went on to write, “Kent, this card makes me remember that we both see the same moon each night even being so far away and that we must always, ‘Look to God and Live (Alma 37:47).’ This work is true and will go forth boldly and nobly to fill the whole earth! You are doing your part!! Love, Mom.”

My mom knows that her greatest work will be to teach me where to turn for peace, comfort, love and guidance because she will not always be there right by my side.

2 Nephi 25:26 states, “And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for the remission of their sins.”

When times get hard for me, or when I make mistakes or fall short I know that I can turn to my Savior for relief, love and peace no matter what. I know this because my Mother taught me to know him. By doing so she has put me on the path that leads to eternal life. After all John 17:3 says, “And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.” In this way my mother truly has given me the ultimate gift.

Becoming selfless is part of a life long journey to know the Savior and to love like he loves. I still have so much to learn. Sometimes it seems so far out of our reach so why should we strive for it???

“But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him (Moroni 7:47).”

Preparing for the Mormon Bachelor has been opening my heart like I never thought it ever would. The structure of the show is set up for it to be all about me. I am “The Bachelor” and I get to go on 12 blind dates that the girls plan and pay for. I am in a very low risk situation which cannot possibly go wrong. Right??? Wrong.

If I let myself get caught up in the idea of who is good enough for ME, or who will have what I want, etc. I believe I will have failed at this bachelor experience miserably. I will be that selfish prideful guy that everyone loves to hate.

So if I really am on a journey to find true love then my heart needs to be in the right place. Love is not about what can YOU do for me…but what can I do for you. It is the Christ-centered love that my Mom taught me.

My mom is such a hopeless romantic (that’s where I get it from) and I know she is worried sick about this whole venture. She has always been so good about loving any girl I have ever brought home. I know she just wants me to be happy. One time she flew me to Mesa, AZ just so that I could see my 14-year-old EFY church camp crush one more time (group hang out and supervision of course). While her desire is for me to find love she also wants me to break the least amount of hearts possible along the way. She has taught me to be conscious of girls feelings. I remember one time she sat me down at lunch (a tradition of ours when I was in Utah) and she made me write down the names of every girls heart that I had broken. Luckily she looked at the list afterwards and was surprised it wasn’t as many as she thought. I don’t want to break hearts. I have cried the hardest when I have had to be the one to end the relationship.

Realistically it will only ever work out for eternity with one girl so I need to go in with the attitude that I will treat each girl with respect and really get to know them…if anything to learn from them. I will be one hundred percent honest with my feelings. I am not looking for someone with a laundry list of what I want in a future spouse on paper but someone who will be the easiest for me to love. I want my love for them to come naturally because of a genuine connection. I want to fall in love with their heart because that is what will last forever.

Lately I have really been trying to put myself in these girls shoes…It has been eye-opening. I have been talking to friends and family members to get a broader perspective. It is not an easy thing to sign up for a public show where you have to get in line with 12 other girls to go on a date. It is a lot to ask for a very low chance that it will actually work out.

For all the girls who applied which has been over 300 thank you I appreciate your willingness to be vulnerable and put yourself out there without really even knowing me. All that I can promise is that it will be a fun experience and that I will be as careful as I can with your feelings. When I asked my sister (18) if she would ever sign up to do something like this she said, “there is no way!”…Then I asked her but what if the boy was someone just like me (because she really does know me)…and that made her stop and think.

While I realize it is a huge sacrifice at the same time I am confident in what I have to offer. My heart is on the table and I am ready to give everything to one girl for the rest of my life. All of my heart is intact. There are not any feelings toward any ex girlfriends. I am not just dating for fun or to play 12 girls hearts. I have saved myself and my sacrifice-all type of love for when the time was right. Love is a choice  and by signing up for this show I made that choice. The producer would not have picked me if I wasn’t ready. I promise that I will not stop here though with my heart, when I find someone easy to love and with who I have a genuine connection I will not let go. I will choose to love whoever it is with my whole heart everyday.

Love is about taking risks and selflessly giving until it hurts. I have been in a relationship before where I felt I put my whole heart into it, sacrificing and giving my all to make it work. Unfortunately the girl I was falling for had a choice to make between me and someone she had been in a comfortable relationship with for a couple of years. We both knew we had crazy potential and yet I was a risk. Our whole thing was that we agreed to meet each other half way. This was hard but I felt like I did. I wanted to commit and was committed to only her and then she couldn’t do the same and it ended in tragedy. As I look back on that experience I ask myself why did it not work and I think a big reason was our mentality. It’s not about meeting the other person just halfway. It is about meeting the other person the whole way, sacrificing self to do whatever it is that will make the other person the most happy. If we truly believe in love and want love we all need to be willing to meet the other person the whole way. That way if we fall a little bit short, which we inevitably will, there will be some overlap.

I am so grateful for what the Lord has been teaching me lately about selfless love. I feel closer to my Savior than ever before. I know that the Lord will guide me as I stay close to him. With my heart in the right place I know that the Lord will lead me to the right person…someone that I can cherish forever. I know that by selflessly loving my spouse one day I will experience true happiness.

“Only those who have learned the power of sincere and selfless contribution experience life’s deepest joy: true fulfillment.” —Anthony Robbins

Look at the pure joy on the faces of these selfless mothers!!!

l